


darlin' i'd die for the sunrays

by regrettes



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fraternity, F/F, Fraternities & Sororities, chad au, emma is a lesbian chad don't @ me, emma likes to bake pies a lot and kevin likes to eat pie a lot, kinda slow burn, so maybe everyone gets their shit together before greenelan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2020-10-06 22:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regrettes/pseuds/regrettes
Summary: Emma is the first female member of FIJI and while her friends accept and love her for who she is, she's known to not have enough braincells to tell when someone is just as equally in love with her as she is with them.Alyssa is a typical 'straight', Christian, sorority girl who just happens to run into Emma at a FIJI party during rush week. An unlikely friendship forms, but will it mold itself into something more?Full of found family love and slow burn tension, and pie!





	1. One

Phi Gamma Delta, or FIJI, was one of the best known frat names on Indiana University’s campus. Incoming freshman always flocked to the booth for information on how to join, and while some were turned off when they saw that the person running the table was a girl, others didn’t care. Emma was obviously not a sorority girl, so they had the right table, and who were they to go against the fraternity rules when the only other real option was Theta Phi Alpha, an actual sorority.

Kevin and Nick assured everyone that wanted to pledge that Emma was just one of the guys, and acted as the house ‘mom’ cause she cooked breakfast every morning for them. She’d never thought that these douchey looking guys would be her best friends, but here she was. “Emma!” Kevin called, jogging across the campus green with a few of the other frat members and pledges behind him, “Did you really bring pie? Nick said you did and…” He trailed off, blushing slightly as he looked back at the other guys. Everyone seemed too nervous to actually ask if they could have some, leading Emma to bust into laughter.

Pulling out a rather large Tupperware container, Emma let out a breathy sigh, “You should know you don’t have to be nervous Kev, you literally could come up and say ‘yo bitch I want some pie’ and I’d throw you a slice.” Opening the container as she spoke, Emma began pulling out different slices of pie. Some where cherry, some apple, and then Kevin’s favorite, pecan. She wasn’t a huge fan of making or eating pecan pie, but Kevin always asked if she could, so it became habit when she made it for a large group. “There’s forks and spoons and whip cream over in the cooler, I feel like a soccer mom because there’s also drinks in there,” She met Kevin’s eyes and flashed him a grin before looking around at the rest of the guys, “I’m Emma by the way, if you hadn’t caught on. I’m glad to see Kevin’s game of football brought in some fresh blood. You’re also welcome to pie, and any other snacks that might be lurking in the coolers. I’m sure the boys have already ran you through the different parts of joining, and when we initiate everyone and what not.”

Her nonchalant attitude toward the initiation and that she was in the frat seemingly threw off some of the guys, one of them actually speaking up, “You’re not saying you’re in the fraternity, right? Girls don’t join frats. That’s weird.” Kevin looked at him, brow furrowed before he opened his mouth to say something. Emma knew that this was going to be something that she’d have to deal with, but she also knew that if she let the guys defend her every time they’d think she was just sleeping with one of them.

“They made an exception for me. I’m the only reason they haven’t done something stupid and burned the house down,” She sighed, holding out a piece of pie for the guy that asked, “and if you have a problem with it, then I don’t think this is the fraternity for you. FIJI is an accepting family.” She looked at him, eyes daring him to say anything even remotely homophobic. When she got nothing in response she looked around at the rest of the guys, “Listen. If you have girl troubles? I can help. If you want baked goods? I can also help.”

“Yeah!” Kevin agreed, getting excited as he wrapped an arm around Emma, “She’s literally the best and probably the only reason that Nick and I are even still alive. We’ve done some stupid stuff, but Emma always makes sure we make it out okay! And if anyone has anything mean to say about her you can go through me.” Emma looked up at him for a moment with a cheesy grin on her face before fixing the group with a look that said she was going to be their best friend and worst nightmare all in one if they got off on the wrong foot. “There’s a party at the house tonight, you guys are all welcome to come and mingle and learn what we’re all about, but please don’t just come for the sorority girls that are bound to show up. We’re about more than sex and partying here at FIJI.”

Emma couldn’t have said it better herself, letting that be the end of major speech giving for the afternoon as she went back to dishing up slices of pie and directing the potential pledges to where the drinks were in the cooler. After everyone seemed satisfied, she and Kevin began tossing the ball back and forth until Emma needed to go to her class, enlisting Nick and Greg to take the coolers back to the house when they were finished up. She was both excited and nervous about the party, not having really been much of a partygoer in high school made adjusting to fraternity life a little more difficult. Her house didn’t tend to throw a lot of parties, but when they did it felt like the entire campus showed up.

Class whizzed by in the blink of an eye, leaving Emma to head back to the house and get ready for the party. She didn’t have to do her makeup or anything, Emma wasn’t that type of girl. She switched out her shorts for a pair of tighter fitting khaki shorts, Greg had lovingly named them her suburban dad shorts, deciding to pair it pale blue short sleeved button down. She knew it made her look like a lesbian more than her clothes usually did, but she didn’t care. If someone didn’t understand that’s who she was by now, then she didn’t know how to connect the dots in their brains. She pulled out snacks that she’d stocked the kitchen with for the event, calling for the boys to grab the kegs and bottles of liquor and soda from the garage. She knew that she could lift and move them if she wanted, but she also knew that delegating it down to them meant that they’d feel like they helped in the party planning.

Soon enough the party was in full swing, Emma watching her friends get drunk and decide that it was a good idea to start doing keg stands. It was one of her least favorite party activities, but of course she was a part of it. It ended up making her a little tipsy, and she soon enough found herself heading to the kitchen for some more drinks and snacks to maybe sober up slightly. Emma sat on the counter, smiling at the small group of girls that she’d met in one of her theater courses the semester prior, waving them off as one of them, Carrie, asked her to do one of her monologues. She would never admit it to anyone, but she found the attention she got from the theater majors endearing but a little overwhelming. Nick always called her a player for it, but she couldn’t help but feel obligated to give the ladies what they wanted. 

“Fine fine, but only for you Carrie. Still think you should switch into my Shakespeare class, but it’s too late for that now.” She threw a wink at the woman before sitting up a little straighter and getting a dreamy smile on her lips. It was all for show, her mind not really focusing on any of the girls in particular as she began, “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East,” Emma paused, her eyes scanning the crowd planning to land on Carrie until a new face appeared in the kitchen and Emma felt a draw to her that she hadn’t felt in a long time. She hopped off the counter, smiling at the girl as she took a step forward, “and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief. That thou her maid art far more fair than she.”

Emma didn’t miss the way the beautiful newcomer slipped closer, clearly drawn in by the soliloquizing blonde. She hid her excitement, continuing the monologue, “Be not her maid, since she is envious. Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. Cast it off.” She paused for a moment, her smile growing as the girl fully integrated into the crowd in front of her, her hand reaching out slightly toward her. It was her way of beckoning the girl closer but still giving her the option to opt out of being pulled into something by a complete stranger. She’d seen the girl around, but couldn’t give a face a name. 

The girl must know what line was next, as Emma saw a slight blush creep onto her cheeks, only fueling her more toward giving the best delivery she ever had. Emma watched her slip forward, leaning against the counter and looking off into space as if she were Juliet coming out onto the balcony. Running a hand through her hair, Emma let out a shaky breath, “It is my lady; O, it is my love! O that she knew she were! She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it.”

Emma took a step forward as if moving to answer the girl’s calling, only to stop herself and look back toward the group of girls, giving a charming smile and laughing softly, “I am too bold; 'tis not to me she speaks.” Sliding her hands in her pockets, she looks up at the ceiling and feels her chest puff out as she takes a deep breath, a dreamy look on her face once more, “Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, having some business, do entreat her eyes to twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head?” She turned to the girl, taking two steps forward so she was right beside her. She saw her turn to face her, hazel eyes meeting dark brown as she continued to speak, “The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night.”

Emma knew that the girl must know the scene, as she found her laying her hand on her cheek, nodding slightly she pulled her lip between her teeth, “See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!” Reaching her hand out, Emma’s fingers lightly brushed by her cheek before they both turned away from each other, the blonde pretending that her heart didn’t skip a beat at the physical contact. She was supposed to be the one making hearts skip beats, and she hadn’t even said two real words to this girl, so this was definitely not in the plan. She made an attempt to shake it off, sliding a hand across the counter as she turned her head back toward the beautiful girl, “She speaks. O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night, being o’er my head.”

The continuation of the soliloquy seemed to bring attention back to her. The original crowd was just as enraptured as they had been when she started, but getting this new girl’s attention was what Emma found herself focusing on most. “As is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white, upturned, wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-puffing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air,” Emma fell back against the counter with a lazy smile, eyes still watching the nameless girl, hoping to have a chance to talk to her after this. As if she were on the stage performing, the gaggle of girls gave a round of applause and Emma simply waved them off. She didn’t want the applause to draw the attention of any of the boys, some of the potential pledges would get jealous and throw a fit. Instead she reached her hand out for the other girl to take, “I’m Emma, by the way. Thank you, for playing along. I usually just make one of the other theatre majors do it for me.”

The brunette took her hand, planning to just shake it until Emma brought it to her lips, pressing a light kiss to the back of her hand. It brought a blush to the girl’s cheek but she was otherwise unfazed by the suaveness that Emma Nolan brought to the table. “I’m Alyssa, you’re in my Shakespeare class,” She matched Emma’s posture of leaning against the counter, watching as Emma tried to process having a class with the girl. She hadn’t paid attention in her classes student wise yet, she’d been too focused on the material at hand.

Before she could really give a response to Alyssa however, she felt Carrie whisking her away, mumbling something about how she was thinking about switching her classes around so she could join Shakespeare. Emma shot over her shoulder a bright grin and called out, “I’ll see you tomorrow then!” She let herself get lost in the party after that, although she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the beautiful girl she’d get to see at 10 am the next day.


	2. Two

Alyssa had no idea what she was getting herself into when she agreed to go to the FIJI party. She’d gone because Shelby didn’t want to go alone, but after about twenty minutes she’d been left to fend for herself in a sea of college students that were way too drunk for a Thursday night. It made her wonder if these kids actually intended to go to their classes in the morning or not. Kaylee would call her a stick in the mud for that if she weren’t already trying to swallow one of the FIJI boy’s faces whole. Crinkling her nose in slight disgust, she downed the rest of her drink and wandered toward the kitchen to get another. She wasn’t intending to get trashed tonight, she had class in the morning, but a few wouldn’t hurt, right? Besides, it seemed quieter in there, so she thought she might get a moment of peace to herself.

She had no idea how wrong she would be.

As she entered the room, she was met with a small group of girls enraptured by a blonde. Their eyes met as she slipped off the counter, and it hit Alyssa what she was saying, “and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief. That thou her maid art far more fair than she.” Setting her cup to the side, Alyssa slipped forward and into the crowd, mind going a mile a minute. She didn’t intend to be pulled into some theater major’s dramatic monologue, but she couldn’t help it. The way the blonde smiled just pulled at her, tugging her closer. She found herself slipping up to lean against the counter as the scene continued, a blush creeping up on her cheeks as this girl went into the ‘It is my lady; O it is my love!’ line. She knew this scene by heart, but hearing it where she would be Juliet was an entirely new experience from having it choppily read aloud in a high school English class.

She watched with an amused smile as the blonde fully acted out the scene, unable to place the way her stomach fluttered and flipped whenever their eyes would meet. She played along, completely unaware of how the girls around her were wishing they were her. Maybe it was the alcohol getting to her, or the lines the blonde was delivering, but she couldn’t help but let herself imagine what this girl was like on the daily.Alyssa rested her face in her hand, an amused smile on her face, “See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!” Alyssa didn’t know why her heart stuttered for a moment, but it felt as if this girl’s hazel eyes were the only thing grounding her. The brief feeling of fingers on her cheek felt like lightning bolts coursing through her veins. She knew this scene was romantic, so that had to be the reason behind why her body was reacting like this, right? It’s not like she was _gay_ or anything.

She looked away, assuming that this girl was done with her soliloquy, looking around to find the liquor she wanted to fix herself another drink. When she continued, it stopped Alyssa dead in her tracks. She turned to find the blonde lazily laying against the counter and couldn’t help but smile softly. She listened to the applause, amused by the attention this girl could bring to herself without being a drunken asshole. She was used to frat parties consisting of making out and fist fights, not Shakespeare and pie. Alyssa looked at the hand stretched out to her, barely hearing the words over the applause, “I’m Emma, by the way. Thank you, for playing along. I usually just make one of the other theatre majors do it for me.” The brunette took her hand, planning to just shake it until Emma brought it to her lips, pressing a light kiss to the back of her hand.

She was usually unfazed by the suaveness of people who hit on her, but there was something about feeling Emma’s lips on her hand that brought a light blush to her cheeks. “I”m Alyssa, you’re in my Shakespeare class,” She offered, attempting to match Emma’s posture of just being slack against the counter. She’d noticed Emma the previous day in class but never in a million years did she think this girl was capable of that. She went to say something else but before she could Emma was whisked away by one of the girls from the audience. Fairly quickly after her exit the rest of the girls went back out into the party, giving Alyssa Greene the peace she’d been searching for when she first came into the kitchen. Except, now the peace and quiet felt heavy as she thought about why she reacted to Emma that way.

It had to be the scene right? She’d always been a sucker for Romeo and Juliet, so it had to be just the scene. Without thinking, she grabbed another drink, a wine cooler from one of the ice bins before trudging out of the kitchen to find her friends. Shelby would want to hear about what happened, and probably would be able to answer Alyssa’s questions about why she felt some sort of _connection_ with a girl. She wasn’t a lesbian, so it made no sense to her. She found Shelby laying on top of one of the frat boys, showing him different instagram pictures as if they had been together forever. “Hey Shelbs?” She asked, tapping her friend’s foot lightly before fidgeting with the ring on her finger, “Can I talk to you for a second?” She didn’t mean for the words to come out like it was a super serious matter, but the way that Shelby shot up and made room on the couch for her showed that it definitely came across that way.

“What’s up ‘Lys?” She asked, the guy she was practically on top of looking at her with just as much concern. “If some guy grabbed you or something Kev can kick them out for you. He already tossed out someone.” She seemed adamant that this boy, Kevin, could take care of whatever bad thing she thought happened to Alyssa.

“No one grabbed me, uh,” She paused, trying to figure out how to word what happened correctly, “I went to go get another drink and there was like... a performance going on in there? Not like the time we walked in on one of the girls giving a blowjob or anything like that. But like, this girl, Emma... She was giving a monologue from Romeo and Juliet.”

“Like the ‘Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?” Shelby asked, raising a brow and stifling a laugh. She seemed to relax however, knowing that her friend hadn’t been groped or harassed by anyone. Alyssa however, didn’t find the situation terribly funny because of the feelings still tumbling around in her gut.

“No, like Romeo’s monologue before that. And I don’t know why but-”

“Let me guess,” Kevin chuckled, raising an eyebrow at Alyssa, “She picked you to be Juliet?” He waited to see Alyssa nod before, reaching over and squeezing her hand gently, “She once made me Juliet when she was practicing for an audition. She didn’t embarrass you too much did she? She’s usually really good at that one but sometimes people don’t like the spotlight of being Juliet.”

Alyssa shook her head again, looking around as she took a sip of her drink. It was like even now she was searching to get a glimpse of Emma, to make her explain it herself. There was no hope for that however, something told her that the girl had been dragged to a bathroom or bedroom somewhere. She turned back to face Kevin and Shelby, brow furrowing slightly, “No, she didn’t embarrass me. It’s one of my favorite scenes to perform, it’s just the feeling I got. I think it’s because I’ve always dreamed of having someone romance me like that. It’s one of my favorite plays, and she did it so well. It’s gotta be that, right?” She looked over their faces, neither of them looked convinced that it was because of the scene. It spurred Alyssa to push the reasoning further, somehow trying to convince herself more than her friend, “Between the scene and the alcohol I-”

“Alyssa,” Shelby said softly, setting a hand on the brunette’s and making her look up, “It’s okay. It’s probably the alcohol, but I think you should know it’s okay to experiment and feel things. It’s college, you don’t have to think about it meaning anything if you don’t want to. Those feelings can just be there. It’s okay.” Alyssa searched Shelby’s face for any ounce of the other girl joking, but all she found was a painful sincerity that made Alyssa wonder if she’d had these thoughts herself.

“I-I think I’m gonna go back to the house. I have my eight am tomorrow, so I can’t sleep through it. Call if you need anything okay, and please be safe,” Alyssa gave Shelby’s hand a quick squeeze before saying goodbye for the pair and heading toward the front of the house. She knew that she’d see Emma in the morning, but something in her still searched for the blonde to get at least one last glimpse of her. She didn’t see her, so she quickly downed the rest of her drink and headed out. The sorority house was only a few blocks away thankfully, so the quick walk back didn’t give her too much time alone with her thoughts. The time in her room however did.

Her brain kicked into overdrive, searching for that scene on YouTube in every form she could in an attempt to convince herself that it was just the scene and not the person that had been performing it. She kept herself up until nearly four in the morning, eventually drifting off as the scene played for the thirtieth time on her TV. She nearly slept through her alarms when seven thirty came around, but something drew her out of her panic induced slumber. Maybe it was the knowledge that if she didn’t wake up for the first class she’d sleep through Shakespeare. She couldn’t handle doing that, whether it be a chance to see Emma again, or just because they were getting their first assignment of the semester she wasn’t sure. But either way, Alyssa pulled herself from bed and hopped in the shower quickly so she could feel at least decently clean for class.

Soon enough she was in her Western Civilization class, practically passing out in the front row. As Professor Hawkins droned on about how they would start in the ancient times and eventually work their way up to the English monarch, he just had to talk about the latest musical he’d gotten into. The music he was playing was fairly good, and Alyssa jotted in her notes to listen to it, but she couldn’t help how tired she was. Half the class seemed to match her feeling however, so she didn’t feel so bad drifting in and out. Thankfully after her first lecture got out she had an hour to get coffee and a bagel to wake up a little before finding herself wandering into the small classroom that her Shakespeare class was in.

Even with taking her time walking through campus she was practically the first one there. The only two people that had beat her there were talking animatedly with Professor Oliver about his days at Juilliard. It was clear that they wanted to be class pets, but there were always those students and she couldn’t fault them. It didn’t seem hard to get on his good side. Once lecture began however, she found herself starting to slip in and out of that same daze, although this time she found herself slipping to stare at Emma. The girl was seated two rows over and a seat up from where she’d sat that morning and had only briefly made eye contact with Alyssa as she walked in. She’d been tailed by the girl from the night before, who had transferred into the class from whatever class she had been taking.

“My first monologue at Juilliard was Romeo’s, however the girl right after me did the one we’re going to be looking at right now. I would like one of you to please give me your best performance of Juliet’s monologue in act two, scene one.” The professor looked around for a volunteer and Alyssa thought Emma would be the first one to raise her hand to read. When she didn’t however, Alyssa decided that she would be the volunteer. “I’ll read it,” She offered, book still closed on her desk. She’d briefly glanced at which one it was, having already known it mostly by heart.

“Alright Alyssa, whenever you’re ready,” Professor Oliver said, most of the class either following along in the book or looking at her intently. Emma turned her whole body to face Alyssa, smiling encouragingly at her, but there was a hint of something else in her eyes. Carrie also turned, but Alyssa’s focus was solely on Emma and the lines she had to recite. “Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face, else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek for that which thou hast heard me speak to-night,” she gave a slight, breathy laugh as a smile pulled at the corners of her lips. “Fain,” She opened her book to double check the monologue briefly, eyes glancing down as she continued to speak without much break, “would I dwell on form, fain,” a slight pause as her eyes flickered back up to meet Emma’s. She felt like she was impressing the girl, but she genuinely couldn’t be sure, “fain deny what I have spoke: but farewell compliment!”

“Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,' and I will take thy word:” Emma raised a brow as Alyssa seemed to not be focusing on the book at all. She hadn’t expected her scene partner from the party to have it memorized as well, but it was definitely a welcome surprise. She had to admit, the direct eye contact wasn’t doing anything to help her heart keep a steady rhythm. Something about beautiful women quoting Shakespeare at her drove her crazy, in a good way. Emma knew this play by heart, and while she hadn’t expected Alyssa to be the one to read the scene, she couldn’t say she could picture anyone else. She could feel Carrie’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t be bothered to spare a glance that way.

“Yet if thou swear'st, thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries they say, Jove laughs.” As her line delivery got quicker, Alyssa seemed to falter ever so slightly. She wasn’t used to reading those lines that fast, but everything in her felt like she was on a train going faster by the second, careening off into a destination unknown. She took in a deep breath, calming her nerves and closing the book again, sure of where she was at this point. “O gentle Romeo,” Alyssa let herself smile, eyes crinkling as the emotion of the scene took over. She could definitely blame the feelings in her stomach on the scene this time. Her eyes dropped to her hands, leaving Emma’s for the first time since she picked up the book. “If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:” She kept looking at her hands, knowing that if she looked up right then Emma and the girl behind her would see the tears pricking in her eyes. She wasn’t quite sure why they were there, but she knew that it usually happened when she read this scene. The idea of love this genuine, this quickly; at least to Alyssa; seemed ridiculous but she couldn’t help but wish for it.

“Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won, I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay, so thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.” The love that Romeo and Juliet had, while quick and irrational, was something that Alyssa idolized as a teen. As an adult she knew it was unobtainable, but something about looking in Emma’s eyes made her stomach flip like it had when she thought about finding her own Romeo. “In truth, fair Montague,” Alyssa found her eyes slipping back up to meet Emma’s, a fire behind every soft word she spoke. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Professor Oliver hung on every word that she said. For someone who was teaching a Shakespearean class, he didn’t look like he got many students who knew the works, “I am too fond, and therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light:” Meeting Emma’s eyes seemed to hit Alyssa a little harder than she’d intended, that feeling from last night returning tenfold.

“But,” Alyssa paused for a moment, drawing in a breath as she felt herself slip slightly over the words, “trust me, gentleman” Alyssa gave another pause, her breath catching in her throat. She felt herself getting far too into the character for just reciting it out loud. Maybe it was that she’d chosen to keep eye contact with Emma almost the entire time, whether as payback for the prior night or another reason entirely, she’d made her bed and she’d need to lie in it, “I'll prove more true than those that have more cunning to be strange.” She paused, heart in her throat as she saw the encouraging smile on Emma’s face. It was mixed with some other emotion she couldn’t pinpoint, but she felt it strike her as something that she was mirroring, “I should have been more strange.”

“I must confess,” Another pause, this one for dramatic effect. Chancing a glance behind Emma for just a brief second, she was met with the bored, and unexpectedly envious, glare of the girl from last night. She knew that she’d have to get this girl’s name eventually and apologize for whatever she did to rub her the wrong way, but for now she had to focus on finishing the lines and then zoning out for the rest of the lecture, “but that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware, my true love's passion:” As she drove home the monologue she leaned back in her chair, feeling confident that she’d not only nailed it, but that she’d also impressed Emma in the process. Why she felt that meant something to her when she’d just met the girl confused her, but she wasn’t going to question it. “therefore pardon me, and not impute this yielding to light love, which the dark night hath so discovered.”

The rest of the class passed in a blur for Emma, her heart a frantic mess that caused her head to match it. She didn’t know why she felt so drawn to Alyssa, but after that monologue, and the assignment of a three page paper based on the play, she knew that there’s no one else she’d want to prepare with. She caught up with the brunette in the hallway, trying to be smooth, but tripping over her feet slightly, “I-Uh hey! Uhm, you did really good in there!” She knew that this was definitely not how she usually came across to girls, but something in her was losing the normal charm she had. “I was just wondering if maybe uhm, if you wanted to study? Sometime this weekend? We could work on our papers together?” She paused for a moment as she saw Alyssa think about it. Why was she so nervous? She wasn’t sure but it was a new feeling for her, at least in this context. She was just asking someone to come over, there weren’t any serious strings attached, so she shouldn’t have these nerves, but there they were.

“Sure, I could always use someone to bounce ideas off of, but doesn’t someone like you have plans all weekend? It’s end of rush week, there’s so many parties and it seemed like you were quite the hit last night,” Alyssa held her books a little closer to her chest, one brow raised. She wasn’t sure she should be saying yes, but there was no harm in making a friend. Even one that made you feel something you couldn’t place and you didn’t know if it were good or bad.

“No, FIJI threw their party, now the rest of the guys are going out but I want to get a jump on this assignment and a few others I have. Plus I said I’d bake some pies for the guys,” She gave a smile that rivaled a golden retriever, happy that Alyssa said yes before she regained her train of thought. She quickly scribbled down her phone number for Alyssa before slipping it into her hand, “That’s my number, I live in the FIJI house. So if you want you can just shoot me a text and we can plan when to meet up! I don’t know if you’re going to any parties or anything, but I can totally work around it. I’ll make lunch or dinner or whatever for us too if it goes that late, that way you don’t have to walk all the way to campus or order out just to get food. I-uh, I have to get to my vocal lesson, but I’ll see you later!” With that, she jogged off, leaving Alyssa alone with her thoughts, and her phone number.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Study sessions and movie nights :)

To say Emma was nervous about Alyssa coming over to the house was an understatement. Sure, she’d been there before during the party, and who knows how many other parties, but it was different when it was one in the afternoon and there was no alcohol involved. It was different for more reasons than that, but it was what Emma was choosing to to focus on, everything else felt too new and made her panic. She’d spent the entire morning cleaning the kitchen and begging Greg or Kevin to clean the living area so that it didn’t look like fifteen bachelors lived together, but it was as if she was talking to a brick wall. They’d tidied a little, but as she walked into the room she still didn’t think it was good enough. “Kevin, I asked you to clean it!” She sighed, starting to readjust the pillows and throw blanket that she’d bought for the back of the couch. She mumbled under her breath about how she has to do everything herself in regards to keeping the house clean, despite the house being entirely spotless ninety percent of the time.

“I did? It looks fine, you’re just overreacting,” Kevin explained, not looking up from his notes. He knew that the house was clean, continuing writing about chemical bonds. “Besides, she’s just coming over to study, it’s not like she’s here for a date or anything, right?” He peeked up at that, raising an eyebrow at Emma. He loved his friend dearly, but he’d also never seen her this worried about having someone over. She usually just dragged Carrie up to her room or out the door as soon as she turned up, but from the look on the blonde’s face this was a different type of ‘coming over.’ This was one that she was genuinely worried about, “Is this a date? Emma-”

“No! No, it’s not a date, I don’t even know her Kev. Why would I have a date with someone I just met?” Emma insisted, “Its... It is not a date, right?” She mumbled, brow furrowing as she tried to think about what a date was supposed to entail. It was usually dinner, or a movie, and both parties knew it was a date. As far as she knew neither of them had called this a date, nor had they said more than 10 non-shakespearean words to each other so there wasn’t a way to even remotely consider it a date in Emma’s mind. Kevin wasn’t sure that there was really anyway to answer Emma’s question on his end, choosing instead to go back to focusing on his notes and leave Emma to her own devices. She was lost in her own thoughts, panic rising in her chest.

She tried to push the idea of taking Alyssa on a date out of her mind. She’d known the girl for a matter of days, that would be skipping forward like eight steps in the ‘getting to know you’ chart. This was step 2: meeting outside of a class or party for the first time. It was something she’d done plenty with her friends she now had, but something about meeting with Alyssa felt different. This didn’t feel like the first time she went over to Carrie’s dorm, or when she met Nick and Kevin. She didn’t get butterflies any of those ‘first meetings’ but with Alyssa they were nonstop and the girl wasn’t even in the house yet.

Pulling Emma from her thoughts was a knock on the door, the blonde dropping the pillow she’d been holding in her hands. She smoothed her shirt over her stomach before making her way to the door and opening it, “Alyssa! Come in! I have my books and shit in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure when you were coming by so,” She began leading the brunette into the house, ignoring how her hands trembled from her nerves, “I thought I’d start baking snacks or something like I usually do until you came by!”

Alyssa glanced around, seemingly sizing up the house in the daylight before her eyes settled on Emma with a warm smile. “I wouldn’t stand you up Emma. I promise. Shelby mentioned that you liked to bake,” She mused softly, setting her bag on the floor by one of the chairs and beginning to study the kitchen, half expecting it to be a complete disaster. She let her eyes fall back on Emma as she took a seat, noticing the confusion on her face. Alyssa continued, “She’s one of my sisters, she dragged me to the party on Thursday.”

A look of recognition washed over Emma’s face as she finally pieced together who Shelby was, thinking that maybe she was another person like Carrie at first. “Is she the one that Kevin was hanging out with? I remember him saying something about her, that they shared a few of their science classes together,” She hoped that her questions didn’t come across as stupid, she just genuinely wanted to be sure that she had the right face to put with the name.

“Yeah, I ran into him when I was trying to tell Shelbs I was going home on Thursday. He seems really nice,” Alyssa mused, remembering the boy that resembled a lost puppy. He wasn’t what she pictured when she pictured someone in a fraternity but, then again, neither was Emma Nolan. She might’ve been at first, what with the beer in hand and multitude of girls surrounding her. But this Emma, the one who was playing with a pen in her hand without realizing it and had planned to bake for someone coming over to study? This Emma was not at all what she’d expected.

“Yeah, he’s a sweetheart. I’m really glad that he and Greg are here to balance out a lot of the typical frat boy stuff that Nick has going on. Like, don’t get me wrong,” Emma dropped the pen, glancing around to make sure the boy being mentioned wasn’t going to come out of the cabinet and catch her talking about him, “He’s a sweet guy, he’s just a bigger player than he says I am. I’d feel bad for whatever girl got stuck dating him. Although, I’m sure he’d say the same about me...” She trailed off, furrowing her brow as she found herself getting distracted by her own actions.

Alyssa reached out a hand and caught Emma’s attention, stopping whatever train of thought the blonde was having in its tracks with a soft smile. “Don’t worry about what anyone says about you, Emma,” She kept her voice sincere, eyes never leaving Emma’s, “what matters is what’s inside of you. When you find the right person they’ll see past any persona or bad name that you might have.” Emma searched the brunette’s face with a curious gaze, wondering if Alyssa was just saying that to be nice, or if she genuinely meant it. When she didn’t find anything aside from sincerity in the girl’s features she gave a soft smile.

“I just find it easier to pretend to be a lot cooler than I am, you know?” Emma chuckled, wondering why she was being so open with Alyssa so quickly. She hadn’t divulged any of this to Carrie and they’d been doing whatever dance they were doing for a little over four months. They hadn’t made anything official, or even gone on a date yet, but with how many nights Carrie invited Emma to spend the night it felt a lot more serious than it probably was. “Uhm,” She cleared her throat, pulling her hand back from where it was almost touching Alyssa’s and adjusted how she was sitting, “Shall we start working on our papers? I’ve got like half an introduction and half of the first two paragraphs written so I’m not doing too great.”

Alyssa nodded, opening her laptop and beginning to log on, “What are you writing your’s on? I decided to write how much the story would have benefitted from Romeo and Juliet living in the end, rather than their puppy love and teen angst clouding their judgement and driving them to stupid decisions.” She didn’t look up from the laptop screen, beginning to open different documents that she needed. Emma opened her mouth to say something, but found herself at a loss for words on how to describe her own paper. How Alyssa had described her’s was eloquent and sounded a lot better than Emma sitting there and just saying, ‘Okay but what if it was gay?’

The deafening silence that had fallen over them once Alyssa got deeper into writing her paper was driving Emma up a wall. She felt like kicking herself, unable to keep her focus on the paper, despite the topic she was writing on being something fun. She was used to having music playing, or Kevin having the television on while they did anything that required her to focus. She couldn’t pinpoint why it bugged her but, she knew that she had to say something about it eventually. She just wasn’t sure if now was a good time or not. She was just sat, staring at her screen as if lost in deep thought about the reasons why despite the laws at the time _Romeo and Juliet _should have been about lesbians.

“You okay over there?” Alyssa asked, looking up from her paper with a confused look on her face. Emma reacted slowly, pulling herself out of whatever daze had fallen over her and felt her face flush. She quickly nodded, trying to play it off and seem calm and collected despite definitely not being either. “You sure? It’s okay to not be okay, you’ve just been staring at the screen and tapping your fingers for like twenty minutes,” Alyssa’s voice was soft, she didn’t seem to be irritated with Emma’s tapping.

“I-Actually, I’m having a little trouble focusing. It’s a little too quiet in here, but I don’t want to distract you from your paper,” Emma explained, beginning to run her thumb over the tips of her fingers, “It’s just something that happens sometimes, it’s no big deal! I just usually have music on or Kevin’s watching TV.” She gave a sheepish smile, sitting up a little straighter in her chair and meeting Alyssa’s eyes as the brunette watched her carefully.

Alyssa pursed her lips, trying to think for a minute about how she could help the other girl to focus before an idea hit her and her face lit up. “Why don’t we move on to the sonnets? We can come back to working on our papers for this later,” Alyssa suggested, leaning across the table and putting her hand on top of Emma’s to draw the blonde’s frustrated face up to meet her eyes. When their eyes met she couldn’t help but give a cheeky smile, “I’ll read you some sonnets so you can get an idea for one you might want to do for the next big assignment! You can bake or just sit with your eyes closed and relax or something, I already have an idea for the one I want to do so it’ll just be me helping you.”

Emma wasn’t too sure if it would help her feel less like throwing her laptop out the window, but she knew that she had to attempt anything to calm her down. She turned her hand over and gave Alyssa’s a quick squeeze before standing and moving to the counter. She started taking out the ingredients she needed and a cookbook from the drawer next to the sink before stopping in her tracks for a brief moment when Alyssa started reading, “To me, fair friend, you never can be old, for as you were when first your eye I eyed.”

It was like her heart stopped the second Alyssa started speaking and the next line restarted it with such a shock that Emma could feel it in every fingertip. She chalked it up to her love of Shakespeare taking over but Alyssa had been right, hearing her read aloud as she baked did seem to relax her. “Such seems your beauty still. Three winters cold have from the forests shook three summers’ pride,” Alyssa continued, Emma feeling her eyes watching as she moved around the kitchen.She knew that this was something that usually calmed her, but with Alyssa reading to her as she did so, it felt different. It wasn’t a bad sort of different, just a sort of different that she wasn’t expecting.

“Three beauteous springs to yellow autumn turned in process of the seasons have I seen,” Alyssa’s voice molded around Emma’s ears as she began mixing the ingredients in the bowl. Her senses finally settled enough to just focus on the task at hand, and the other girl’s words. She found herself silently taking back every notion that Alyssa’s idea wouldn’t work, as it seemed to be working better than the mundane noise of the television usually did. “Three April perfumes in three hot Junes burned,” Alyssa’s voice began falling into the background as Emma found her focus on the ingredient list. 

“Since first I saw you fresh, which yet are green. Ah, yet doth beauty, like a dial-hand,” Alyssa continued and Emma swore that she wasn’t having to look at the page with how smoothly the words were falling from her lips. It was as if this girl knew Shakespeare even better than Emma, maybe even William himself. “Steal from his figure, and no pace perceived;” She chanced a glance back to Alyssa, holding up the bag of chocolate chips with a soft smile before moving to grab the flour and milk to add next. She knew that you were supposed to add all the dry and then the wet ingredients, but where was the fun in that?

“So your sweet hue, which methinks still doth stand, hath motion, and mine eye may be deceived:” As she added the flour she found herself distracted by the sincerity in Alyssa’s voice, it coming back to the forefront of her mind. The unintentional distraction caused her to drop the bag on the counter and sent flour flying up into her face. She kept her back to Alyssa, embarrassed by the accident. She was so far removed from the suave Emma that Alyssa had met at the party two days ago that she was sure she was making a horrendous first real impression.

“For fear of which, hear this, thou age unbred: Ere you were born was beauty’s summer dead.” Alyssa’s voice died off, a soft hum coming from behind the blonde. She knew that Alyssa was still seated at the table, but something about the way she’d read the sonnet had stopped Emma in her tracks. She didn’t know what she was expecting in hanging out with Alyssa without a classroom or party setting, but it definitely wasn’t to be blushing while covered in flour. She’d simply been attempting to bake some cookies for her and Alyssa to snack on after they were done with their next thirty minute study session. She looked over to the brunette who just looked on at her with a raised eyebrow, as if waiting for her to answer an unasked question.Emma gave a smile, grabbing the bowl she was mixing the cookies in and leaning against the counter. “Thank you,” she said softly, meeting Alyssa’s eyes as her smile grew, “I’m still sorry I had a mini meltdown, but thank you for helping me through it. It means a lot.”

After Emma slide the cookies into the oven their study session continued much the same. The only difference was switching back and forth on who would read the sonnet. There were a few snack breaks until the rest of the residents of FIJI piled into the kitchen to see what Emma had baked, successfully wiping the blonde out of four batches of chocolate chip cookies in a matter of twenty minutes. Alyssa seemed to get a kick out of Emma’s housemates, giggling every time one of the boys would peek their head in and quietly mumble a question about what Emma baked. The blonde seemed to grow more comfortable with the more people coming into the house, slipping into a more casual version of herself than the one that had been on edge for seventy-five percent of their study session.

At the very end of the evening Emma found herself pursing her lips, attempting to find words for what she wanted to say. She’d had a good time once she’d found her footing with Alyssa, but a part of her still nagged that it might’ve been too much for the other girl. “Alyssa?” She asked, feeling a lot like she was the boy in one of those scenes in the movies where the couple is standing on the porch at the end of their date, “Would you maybe want to do this again sometime? I could use a study partner, and we could always work on our other homework too if we don’t have a project for Shakespeare.”

As Emma held her breath in anticipation, she caught Kevin’s head peeking out from the kitchen where they’d been all afternoon watching her. Alyssa didn’t seem to notice, leaning against the doorframe and nodding, “I’d like that, Emma. I could come over tomorrow again? Help you finish up your paper and then we can proof read each others?”

As days passed, Alyssa came around every day at some point. Whether it be to study, or just to hang out with Emma, she always seemed to be at the FIJI house after her classes got out. Emma didn’t mind the company, finding that spending time with Alyssa was a lot more entertaining than dodging Carrie every time the girl went in for a kiss. After they’d established a routine, the boys had started getting a little more comfortable with having Alyssa around, treating her like they treated the rest of the house members. Which may have included an invitation to the ‘family movie night’ that Greg insisted on hosting every Thursday at nine. If you didn’t attend then you weren’t allowed Emma’s baked goods for the next week, which was basically the death penalty to the guys.

As they settled in for the first movie night, Emma turned to Greg, arm slung around the back of the couch behind Alyssa’s head. It was a casual gesture, more Emma getting comfortable than her making a move on the girl, despite the nod of approval she saw Nick give out of the corner of his eye. “Greg, you should let Alyssa pick the movie tonight! The boys have picked a ton, and she’s the newest member. It’s only fair,” Emma reasoned, head turning back to grin at Alyssa. She knew that if Alyssa had to sit through another _Terminator _or _The Fast and The Furious_ it might ruin her perceptions of the boys, or her.

“Emma,” Jules groaned, laying on the floor and looking up at her, “I really don’t want to sit through a rom-com tonight.” This caused a glare to come his way from the blonde, his arms shooting up to defend himself as a pillow flew at top speeds to smack his hands that were in front of his face. He gave a mock offended glare of his own at his house mate before looking at Alyssa with a smile, “Fine, we can watch a rom-com if that’s what our _special guest_ wants to watch.”

Alyssa raised an eyebrow at his wording before looking over to Emma who was blushing a light pink and glaring as hard as she could down at Jules. She reached up behind her and rested a hand on Emma’s that was on the back of the couch, shooting a soft smile to the blonde. “How about, for the sake of the boys we watch _not _a rom-com. I know that they’re my favorite,” she dropped her voice to a whisper for her next line, “and that they’re a guilty pleasure of yours. But, we can pick something middle ground?”  
  
That was how Alyssa Greene talked the FIJI house into having a Disney movie night for the next three movie nights, despite Nick’s attempts at getting them to switch to watching horror movies during the beginning week of October. “Come _on,_” he whined, throwing himself dramatically onto one of the bean bag chairs littering the floor of the living room. Emma laughed from the kitchen as she gathered the snacks for the night. She’d made brownies and grabbed a few bags of pumpkin Reese’s for Alyssa to snack on once the boys devoured the two pans of brownies.

“No, Nick!” Alyssa scolded, hands balled into fists on her hips and cheeks puffed out slightly as she looked down on him, “We aren’t going to watch the first _Friday the 13th_ tonight. Greg already approved of a _Tangled _and _Frozen_ double feature!” She meant business, despite her panda slippers giving off the least business-y vibe that she could possibly give. “Plus,” her voice dropped to be barely audible as her brow furrowed, “I don’t like horror movies.”

“How can you not like them? Haven’t you ever gone to one and had a boyfriend protect you?” Nick questioned, propping himself up on his elbows. Emma knew that was her cue to slide back into the living room and fix Nick with a look of her own. She knew that he meant well, but a feeling of jealous rooted itself in her stomach at any attempts that her friend might make on Alyssa.

“I have, but I still don’t particularly like them. They’re always really gore filled and I don’t do well with blood,” Alyssa reasoned, smiling over to Emma as the blonde held up a bowl of candy. She reached over and grabbed one of the pumpkins before turning her attention back to Nick, “I’ll make you a deal Nicholas. If you let me have my Disney night then on Halloween I’ll come over earlier for movie night and we can marathon a few of them. Probably not all of them, because there’s so many, but enough of them?”

Nick smirked, holding out his hand for the brunette to shake, “You got a deal. You and me. Movie night on Halloween. I’ll bring the popcorn, and these guns for protection.” He held up his other arm and flexed slightly, which Emma had to choke a laugh back at. Alyssa went to shake his hand before raising an eyebrow slightly and looking back to Emma with a look that the blonde couldn’t quite decipher.

“How about, not just you and Alyssa? I’m not exactly doing anything on Halloween, and I know that Greg isn’t either, so we can just hand out candy and watch movies? The _four_ of us?” Emma suggested, earning a sigh of relief coming from Alyssa beside her. Setting the brownies on the coffee table, Emma looked at Nick a little more sternly. “Nick?”

“Fine, fine,” Nick sighed, reaching forward and grabbing a brownie and shoving it in his face as he continued talking, “We can all watch movies. But don’t worry Alyssa, I’ll protect you if it gets to be too much.” He winked at her, grinning through a mouthful of brownie. It didn’t seem to get him anywhere because Alyssa spun on her heel and ask Greg if they were ready to start the movie. After getting a thumbs up she stole the bowl of candy from Emma and moved to take up her usual spot on the couch, pouting until Emma joined her. Emma wrapped an arm around Alyssa, letting the brunette cuddle up and get comfortable as they’d found was bound to happen during the movie either way. She tried not to think too far into it, but she knew that her heart skipped a beat every time Alyssa got closer, to the point where she wondered if Alyssa could hear it stopping and starting.

She found herself falling into a familiar rhythm, this time accompanied by Alyssa joining her in singing along to every song in the movie quietly. Nick got bored partway through _Tangled_, beginning to play games on his phone until Kevin smacked him with a pillow to get him to follow the movie night rules. It was nights like this, with Alyssa joining their friend family, that Emma was thankful that she’d decided to come to college after high school. She wouldn’t trade her friends for anything.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween bitches

Halloween was Alyssa’s second favorite holiday, right behind Christmas. She wasn’t big into the horror aspects of the season, but she loved the fall and carving pumpkins. That’s why when Emma asked her to go to a pumpkin patch two days before Halloween she about spent the rest of class doodling pumpkins on her notes instead of listening to the lecture. Emma seemed to hesitate about the offer after class for a second however, turning to her friend as they wandered across campus, “You could bring Shelby or something if you’d like?” Alyssa didn’t know what had caused the sudden offer, but Emma seemed... anxious?

She knew though that if she brought Shelby and Kaylee they would maybe get off her back about how little time she spent with them in comparison to how often she is over at Emma’s. Sure, Shelby would be there sometimes with Kevin but they rarely actually hung out together. Emma said it was because Kevin would eat all of the snacks instead of talking but Alyssa didn’t really understand until she started coming to movie nights and finding that he really did have a never-ending appetite. Emma seemed to be making an effort to include her friends however, which made Alyssa appreciate the blonde even more than she already did.

She reached over and squeezed Emma’s hand as they left the building and started strolling the campus green before their next classes. “I’ll invite Kaylee and Shelby, I know Kaylee’s been really into those _Food Network_ specials lately so I think she’d like it. And if she comes then Shelby will because they’re like... inseparable,” Alyssa chuckled softly, looking up at Emma. She couldn’t help but notice in the midmorning sun, just how bright Emma’s eyes were. When the sun hit them just right they were probably the most beautiful hazel color that Alyssa had ever seen, complimented nicely with the turning leaves that fluttered around them in the breeze.

Alyssa was stuck looking at Emma that she didn't realize that their hands were still connected until they tried to walk past the flag pole and Alyssa’s wrist made contact with the metal. She pulled her hand back, hissing in pain slightly before Emma’s hand reached back over and took hers again. Alyssa didn’t pay much attention as she felt Emma’s lips on the back of her hand, where she’d made contact with the pole. She glanced over to her friend and gave a soft smile, chuckling as Emma asked if she was alright. “Yeah, just had hoped my hand would phase through the pole instead of being a mere mortal still.” This earned her a cheeky grin, Emma bumping their shoulders together as they wandered hand in hand into the building for their next classes.

_________________________________

“Emma, thanks for inviting us to come along with, when Alyssa first offered I didn’t quite believe her that it came from you,” Shelby kept her voice soft in an attempt to keep the conversation between them as she walked alongside Emma. Kaylee and Alyssa walked ahead of them, heading straight for the biggest pumpkins in the section they were in. Alyssa wasn’t far enough ahead that she couldn’t hear what was being said, but just far enough to not look like she was eavesdropping.

She waited to hear Emma’s response, wondering if she could get some sort of insight as to why Emma asked if she’d like to invite her friends. She wondered if it was to ease off of the fact that going to a pumpkin patch was a very couple-y thing to do, and she just didn’t want to explain that friends could do date-like things too. What she got in response was Emma’s laugh floating through the air followed by her voice light and airy, “Well, I wanted to get to know you and Kaylee, Alyssa’s told me a lot about you. And, I hoped, we could maybe all be friends? ‘Lys has become probably my best friend next to Kevin, so I hoped that you guys would maybe, ya’ know?”

Alyssa felt a light warmth rush to her face, knowing that she was blushing at the idea of Emma considering her a best friend. She knew that she was safe from her friend’s scrutiny since Shelby couldn’t see her face, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel Kaylee’s eyes on her, distracting her from the conversation going on behind her as Kaylee repeated her question, “Do you think we could get one of those huge ones that they pose kids on for pictures? I saw someone carve one on _Food Network _and I wanted to try!” Her face was bright as she looked at Alyssa, causing the girl to give an amused chuckle.

“We can see, but I don’t know if any of us are strong enough to get one of those into Emma’s truck. Don’t they use pallet jacks on _Halloween Baking Wars_?” Alyssa questioned, trying to reason with the other girl. She knew that even if they’d brought one of the buffer guys, there was no way that any one or two of them would be able to lift a pumpkin of the size Kaylee wanted the three and a half feet to get it into the truck bed.

“I’m sure we can get Emma to lift it, she’s pretty buff,” Kaylee said nonchalantly but with a glimmer of something in her eyes as she glanced over to where the blonde was standing, still talking to Shelby. Alyssa couldn’t quite place the look, but it sent a pang of... jealousy? through her. She brushed it off, smiling over to Emma and getting a bright smile in return that made her heart pang in a different way. She couldn’t place that feeling either and turned her attention back to Kaylee, “I’m getting a big pumpkin and you can’t stop me, I want to do this cool witch design I saw them do.”

Alyssa shook her head, laughing before she turned and called for Emma and Shelby to catch up before Kaylee tried to pick up the huge one at the end of the path. Before long they’d split off into pairs, Emma and Alyssa wandering off one way and Kaylee and Shelby comparing the pumpkins that Kaylee was picking between. Alyssa found herself carrying a medium sized pumpkin in her arms, finding it distracted her hands from attempting to wander to Emma like they tended to do. She’d never really pinpointed why they did it, but they did.

**_______________________________**

Pumpkin carving was entirely more fun than trying to lug Kaylee’s pumpkin through the house. Alyssa had convinced her friends to join them in their adventures of decorating and baking, even though it meant that Kaylee was currently on the floor of the FIJI kitchen, covered in pumpkin and whining about how she couldn’t get the nose of her witch to look right. Shelby was looking on at her as she finished carving her own pumpkin, a soft smile on her face that reminded Alyssa of how Emma looked at her. “Kaylee,” Shelby called, trying to get the girl’s attention, “You can just come carve a small one with me. We can work on the big one at home.”

Kaylee looked up at Shelby with a pout on her face, tears welling up in her eyes. Alyssa watched as Shelby got up from the table, moving to where Kaylee was sat on the floor and just wrapping her up in a hug. She glanced over to where Emma was spreading pumpkin seeds onto cookie sheets and found the blonde watching with the same soft look on her face that Shelby had given Kaylee. Alyssa wondered what was going through Emma’s head, but didn’t voice her question, instead feeling a slight panic pass through her as Emma caught her staring. The soft smile didn’t leave Emma’s face however, which caused a blush to dust Alyssa’s cheeks.

As Kaylee was brought up to the table and given a smaller pumpkin Alyssa found herself giving her friends a little more space. She slid over to where Emma was standing and watched as she sprinkled salt and pepper over the seeds before sliding them into the oven. “Now we roast those for twenty minutes and we’ll have a fairly healthy snack instead of sugar cookies like I usually bake on Fridays,” Emma explained, grinning about how proud she was of herself. Her bright smile brought a smile to Alyssa’s lips subconsciously wrapping an arm around Emma’s side as the blonde leaned against the counter beside her.

As if hearing the word cookies from across the house, Kevin came scrambling into the kitchen, his bright eyes searching the kitchen for the snack food in question. It made Alyssa giggle as his face drooped into a pout, “I heard the oven and thought Emma had made cookies...” His words came out in a mumble, eyes drifting over Kaylee and Shelby as they worked on gutting Kaylee’s pumpkin. He smiled at them before looking at Emma and turning his pout up a few more notches. “Are you making cookies?” He asked, eyes flickering to Alyssa for a moment to try and get her in on his pouting.

“I’m making roasted pumpkin seeds right now Kev,” Emma laughed, running a hand through her hair as she leaned a little more into Alyssa. The sound caused butterflies to erupt in Alyssa’s stomach, her fingers playing with the side of Emma’s shirt. She kept her eyes firmly planted on Kevin however, not sure that she trusted the feeling in her stomach to go away if she looked up at her friend. His pout seemed to win out however as she feels Emma sigh and has to stifle a giggle, “Fine, I’m sure Alyssa and I can whip up some cookies tomorrow so you can eat all of them in the three days we have before I’m literally baking a feast for you, Nick and Greg. I-I mean, if Alyssa wants to help that is, no pressure ‘Lys.”

The wavering in Emma’s voice made Alyssa look up at her and give a reassuring smile. “Of course I want to help Em,” she chuckled before just barely catching an odd look that Shelby gave her. She wasn’t about to try and decipher anything that was going through Shelby’s head, besides the look only lasted a moment before she was back to helping Kaylee carve the pumpkin. The sight of the two of them was so intimate, Shelby leaning over and pressing a kiss to Kaylee’s temple, Alyssa wondered for a moment if there was something more going on between them. She didn’t think too far into it however, remembering how she and Emma were just as close in comparison.

**___________________________**

“You’re gonna want to double the recipe because we’re making a double batch. So we usually would use a cup and a half of sugar, but now we need three,” Emma explained, humming softly to herself as she measured out the ingredients she needed. Alyssa looked on, playing with the egg in her hand as she listened to Emma teach her how to make cookies. She’d made some in the past, in her home-economics class in high school but they came out burnt to a crisp. She continued to turn the egg over in her hand, almost missing some of the instructions that Emma gave her.

“Right, so double the recipe when baking for all of the boys. So that means instead of one egg we use two? And like six cups of flour?” She did the mental math, using her fingers to count when attempting to calculate the amount of flour. There were fractions involved however, so despite Alyssa usually being fairly good with math, she wasn’t quite sure that she’d gotten the numbers right.

Emma smiled over at her, stealing the egg from her and cracking it into the bowl before throwing the empty shell into a different bowl she had on the counter. “Five and a half, but close. The three-quarters always trips me up too,” She kept a smile on her face, eyes sliding over from the recipe book to meet Alyssa’s for a brief moment before stealing another egg from the carton beside Alyssa’s hand. “I usually only put in five and a quarter though, the other quarter gets worked in when i’m rolling out the dough to use the cookie cutters.”

“Okay Rachel Ray, so five and a quarter, and then the rest later. Got it, and for the vanilla extract? That’s not a whole lot right? Because that stuff tastes bitter if you put too much in,” Alyssa made a face as she held up the bottle, remembering the time in class where she’d put an extra tablespoon when it should have been a teaspoon and it tasted like she was eating an entire candle.

Emma seemed to find her disgust at the bottle amusing however, stealing it and putting it up to the light as if it were some secret potion that she was examining. “I think,” she began, uncapping it and taking a deep inhale, “we’ll just add the whole bottle. Let’s really emphasize the taste.” Alyssa knew she was joking but that didn’t stop her from putting on a mock shocked facial expression and reaching to steal the bottle back out of Emma’s grasp.

**____________________________**

“Alyssa, are you and Emma dating? Because if you are you can tell us,” Shelby asked, waving away the Tupperware container of cookies that was being held out to her by Kaylee. She had more pressing matters than snacks. “We won’t judge you for being gay Alyssa, you know that right? It’s just you were hanging all over her when we were carving pumpkins, and we just wanna be kept in the loop. Ya know?”

Alyssa shook her head, a little confused by Shelby’s question at first before it hit her that _maybe_ her friendship with Emma was a little more different than most friendships she had. “Emma and I aren’t dating,” She chuckled, hopping up to sit on the counter and look over at the kitchen table where her friends were, “She’s my best friend, no offense to you guys. Sure, we cuddle on movie nights but that’s because if we don’t take up the entire couch Nick tries to weasel his way in and pull that stupid move where he wraps his arm around my shoulder. Plus, Emma’s a good cuddle.” Alyssa had convinced herself that the only reason they cuddled was to avoid advances from Nick, even though if she were honest with herself it was because she genuinely liked cuddling Emma. “Isn’t Emma dating that Carrie girl anyway? The one that’s in like _every_ theatre production?”

Shelby stared at Alyssa, a confused look on her face as she listened to her friend’s reasoning. Alyssa met her eyes briefly before glancing over at Kaylee, who seemed to only be half listening as she ate some of the cookies that Alyssa brought home with her from Emma’s. “You have _got_ to be kidding me Alyssa, you can’t seriously believe that you and Emma are just friends. You spend all of your time over there, you haven’t seen Carrie over there once in this entire time you’ve known Emma, and you guys _cuddle_. She took you to a pumpkin patch, and you guys lean on each other like married couples. That, literally all of that screams relationship.”

“Maybe for you, maybe that’s how it is for you and Kevin or something, but-” Alyssa started, only to be cut off by Shelby’s hand flying up to stop her, a genuine ‘what the fuck’ look on her face. Alyssa’s mouth snapped shut mid-sentence, the look reminding her of the one her mother would give her when she got less than an A on a paper back in high school.

“Kevin and I aren’t dating, he’s cute but he’s not my type, but continue,” Shelby stated simply, lowering her hand and casting a quick glance over to where Kaylee was with a soft smile. Kaylee pouted slightly, seemingly upset by the notion of Shelby dating Kevin. It made Alyssa wonder for a brief second if maybe she’d gotten who Shelby was dating wrong. She shook off the inkling however, brain focusing on the discussion at hand.

Alyssa looked between her friends, a little confused by the look on Kaylee’s face but shook off the confusion to turn back to the issue at hand. “Either way, even if it was something that _screams relationship_,” Alyssa made a point to stick her hands up and make air quotes as she emphasized the word relationship. She would make sure that her friends understood that everything between her and Emma was platonic, that friends were allowed to be comfortable enough to be physically affectionate with one another, “I’m not even the slightest bit gay. Like, not even bi.”

This time Kaylee was the one to speak up, setting her cookie down on the table and squinting at Alyssa. “You’re not gay? Alyssa, are you even hearing yourself right now? You’re avoiding advances from Nick, who is one of the most attractive guys in the entire FIJI house. No offense to like, Jules or Kevin or anyone but like, he’s the most conventionally attractive guy there. You’ve never had a boyfriend before either from what you’ve told us, and you spend all your time with Emma Nolan. Who is absolutely the most gay person that the entire state of Indiana has _ever_ seen. Has the thought never crossed your mind before that maybe, just maybe, you’re a little bit gay? Or like, asexual or something? You can be honest and talk to us, but you might need to be honest with yourself first.”

Shelby looked over at Kaylee, head tilting as she listened to the girl speak. “Kayls? That’s actually really good reasoning. I’m proud!” She gave a bright smile, reaching over and cupping Kaylee’s cheek. For a moment Alyssa thought maybe she was going to kiss Kaylee’s forehead, but the movement stopped before it got that far. That inkling worked its way back up through Alyssa’s head, only to be dashed away at the thought of Emma and her in that position crossed her mind. She didn’t want to think about the implications of that sort of thing.

“Why are you guys questioning my train of thought anyway? Your friendship is just as intimate as mine and Emma’s,” Alyssa questioned, a little perturbed at her friend’s hypocrisy. She didn’t wait for an answer however, snagging a cookie from the Tupperware and making her way up to her own room. She had to work on finding what sonnet she was going to recite for her midterm, and then figure out how to write the paper. She wanted to have at least a good start on it before her study session with Emma the next day, just in case she had to help Emma to focus.

_________________________

“You know, you have less than twenty-four hours to back out of movie night,” Emma said after a long silence between them. Alyssa looked up from her laptop, furrowing her brow and watching the blonde carefully. “If I just tell Nick that you got sick or something you could get out of it and not have to sit through the twelve hour marathon he has planned,” Her tone was serious, as if she was genuinely worried that Alyssa wouldn’t be able to handle the gore of the movies. From what Alyssa had seen however in her not-so-in-depth research was that the first few weren’t entirely gore filled, because of restrictions in what was allowed.

“Em,” She reached out, grabbing Emma’s hand across the table and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “Even if I didn’t think I could handle the movies, I have you by my side so I can just hide in you. Or Nick if you don’t want to put up with me?” She offered Nick up as a secondary option, knowing that both of them understood she’d rather sit through the movies with no ‘protection.’ The crinkle in Emma’s face told her that her joke was received and the blonde quickly shook her head, flipping her hand over and squeezing Alyssa’s hand in return. They sat like that for a few minutes, both scrolling through different sonnets before Alyssa spoke again. “Thank you, for dealing with my aversion to scary movies. I know that I’m kind of a coward when it comes to that sort of thing, but it’s really nice to have someone to lean on.”

Emma gave her hand another squeeze, eyes lighting up as she smiled at Alyssa, “You really don’t have to thank me. Spending time with you is one of the best parts of my days, and even if I like the horror movies, I know that not everyone does. And that sometimes, just sometimes,you really do fall into the rom-com cliche that you love so much.” Emma’s tone was teasing, but there was nothing but genuine affection and love that Alyssa could see, and if she looked just a moment longer she might see just how deep that love ran. She didn’t look that extra moment however, pulling her hand back and blushing a deep red before going back to focus on her paper, nibbling on a cookie as she did so.

____________________________

“I know you’re a scaredy cat Alyssa, but you don’t have to hide in Emma during the _entire_ movie,” Nick teased, having glanced over at the pair as the jock of the movie got offed. Alyssa was indeed wrapped up in Emma, the blonde sprawled out on the couch with her arms wrapped around her friend. Alyssa was forever thankful for both Emma not making fun of her, but also for how soft the blonde was with her. She burrowed her head further into Emma’s chest, tensing slightly at the sound of the kill. Emma wrapped one arm around her, whispering so that she could hear but Nick couldn’t, “Ignore him ‘Lys. You don’t have to force yourself to watch the gore-y parts if you don’t want to.” The arm wrapped around her lifted slightly to play with Alyssa’s hair and the brunette couldn’t help but smile at the feeling.

There was something so calming about how her and Emma went about their friendship. There were very few boundaries that either of them had set for physical affection, which meant that Alyssa was allowed to use Emma as a pillow during movie nights, just so long as Emma didn’t have another girl over. Nick had mentioned that Carrie sometimes came, but Emma had yet to bring her along with. A part of Alyssa wanted to ask if they were dating, but she couldn’t quite figure out why, or if it was appropriate. Maybe it was because she wanted to make sure she wasn’t stepping over the boundaries that might be there.

If Alyssa was honest with herself, she might attribute her desire to ask to jealousy. She knew that the relationship that she and Emma had was a little more complicated to people outside of just the two of them. There was no denying that after the conversation she’d had with Kaylee and Shelby, but that didn’t mean that Alyssa had to complicate it inside of their little bubble too with questions about Carrie and boundaries. She figured that if Emma needed or wanted to set them she would. She mulled over the idea of asking Emma as she reached for another Reese’s and the bowl was just far enough away that she had to move from her burrito.

Her head lifted just in time to see a machete slash come across the screen and she let out a slight scream. The sound seemed to startle Emma, who wrapped her arms tightly around Alyssa as protection, but let a chuckle fall from her lips. “Woah there, where do you think you’re going?” Her voice was soft, barely audible over the movie as she held Alyssa a little tighter. Alyssa looked up, meeting Emma’s eyes and freezing for a minute at how close their faces were. She wasn’t quite sure why but something about being that close to Emma made her stomach flip, but not quite in a bad way.

“I want,” She paused, throwing her arm out to try and reach the candy bowl that was on the coffee table, “a Reese’s.” She let out a frustrated huff as Emma kept her just out of reach of the bowl, pouting up at the blonde before it was as if a lightbulb went off. She slipped her hands to either side of Emma and began tickling her. The shriek that came from the girl underneath her before the wiggling started was more horror like than anything she’d heard yet from the movie. She used Emma’s wiggling as leverage to lean the rest of the way and swipe the bowl off of the coffee table just as the blonde recovered her breath and yanked Alyssa back onto the couch.

“That,” she huffed, glaring down at Alyssa who was looking up at her with three Reese’s in her mouth at once, “was unfair. And uncalled for.” Emma stole the bowl back from her just in time for the doorbell to ring. She smirked, wiggling out from under Alyssa and goin over to the door, “Don’t worry, I got this one!” As the door opened there was a chorus of little kids saying ‘trick or treat!’ to which Alyssa heard Emma complimenting each kid’s costume. She found herself peeking over the couch to watch, not realizing just how good with children Emma was.

After a while Emma came back to the couch and Alyssa immediately made her a pillow once more. This time however, the brunette found it harder to keep her eyes open since Emma was playing with her hair and humming to distract her from the screams that came through the speakers every now and again. “Lys?” She heard Emma ask at one point, but couldn’t find the words to answer as she continued to bury her face further into Emma’s chest.

The next time Alyssa Greene was even mildly awake was when she felt herself be lifted in the air. She barely opened her eyes to find Emma making her way up the stairs, looking just as tired as Alyssa felt. She protested in a mumbled tone as Emma laid her in the bed and began walking toward the door. “I can’t,” a stifled yawn, “take your bed Emma. You take it, I can just,” another yawn, “take the couch. Or go back to my house.”

Emma shook her head, looking at Alyssa with an amused, yet tired, smile, “There is no way in Hell that you’re going to walk all the way back to your house at three in the morning Alyssa. You can sleep in my bed, and I can take the couch. I just,” Emma paused, biting her lip and running a hand through her hair, “I didn’t want to make you share the bed because we hadn’t set... those boundaries? Yet? You’ve never stayed over so I didn’t know like, what we were putting as the hard limit for our friendship.”

Alyssa watched her with a curious gaze, admiring how she looked in the dim light. She was beautiful all the time, but something about how she looked in that moment made Alyssa appreciate her beauty all that more. She rubbed her eyes and shook her head, feeling more awake as she thought about having to ‘set boundaries’ before bed. She didn’t want Emma trying to sleep on the couch because no matter how comfortable it was to lay on for movies she knew it wasn’t something that Emma should sleep on. “I don’t mind sharing the bed Emma, if it would be easier. You look exhausted anyway, just come lay with me,” Alyssa opened her arms up and motioned for Emma to come wrap herself in them. Alyssa wondered for a moment if there was a deeper meaning behind her desire to have Emma close at all times. She would spend every moment right up next to Emma if possible. That thought process however led Alyssa to asking the question that had been on her mind more than once that night. “Are you and Carrie dating?” She asked when Emma got settled into the bed.

Emma looked a little shocked by the question, clearly not expecting it as she let out a breathy laugh and laid back against the pillows. When Alyssa huffed however she reached over and booped her nose, crinkling her own before speaking, “No. We’re not dating. At least, I don’t think we are. She’s asked me out on dates before but it’s never really gone anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, she’ll make a girl really happy one day. She’s just,” Emma paused, scrunching her face up as she thought about how to word what she wanted to say. “She’s not my type, I guess?”

“What do you mean, ‘not your type?’ Does the mysterious Emma Nolan _have_ a type?” Alyssa teased, head falling back on the pillow so that both of them were staring up at the ceiling and the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that glittered around. Emma’s room hadn’t been what Alyssa anticipated, but she wasn’t going to complain about seeing the secret soft side of someone everyone considered a player.

She felt Emma scoff next to her, her arms moving up to rest under her head, “I do have a type, thank you very much Miss Greene. Carrie Delgatto just so happens to not be my type. She’s brilliant, and very talented. But she doesn’t have the heart that I want a girl to have. She sees me for my persona and my bravado. I want someone who, you know...” She trailed off, leaving Alyssa to wonder _what_ she was supposed to know.

Then it hit her, “You want someone that knows the real you. Who’s not afraid to-” She fell silent as she heard a light snore coming from beside her.Alyssa lifted her head, smiling softly at the sight of Emma drooling as she slept peacefully. She had to stifle a giggle as she lifted her hand to pull off the blonde’s glasses, wondering how she’d fallen asleep with them on. She barely managed to set them on the nightstand before she felt an arm wrap around her, causing her to freeze slightly before relaxing into Emma’s hold. Alyssa didn’t know how Emma ended up falling asleep before her, considering she’d all but passed out on top of the blonde during their movie night, but here she was. She cuddled into Emma’s chest and sighed contentedly before letting herself fall back asleep.

____________________________

Emma rubbed her face with her free hand as she felt a body press against hers. She looked around, as if surveying to be sure she was still in her own room before looking down at the girl curled into her side. _‘This, this is my type,’ _She thought to herself, finishing the conversation in her head from the night prior. She knew that there was no way she could ever tell Alyssa, but she knew that she was crushing hard.

A part of her didn’t want to move, Alyssa looked so peaceful and content wrapped around her like a koala. The other part of her however, had a plan for the morning already set out in her mind and she was determined to set forth on it. Reluctantly, she pulled herself from Alyssa’s grasp, not missing the soft whine that came from the sleeping girl. She replaced her body with a pillow and pressed a gentle kiss to Alyssa’s temple before slipping out of the room as the early morning sun started trickling in the window.

_____________________________

“What are you doing?” Alyssa asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes and squinting to focus in on Emma in the bright kitchen. It was nearly nine in the morning which was an hour later than Alyssa usually slept, but she didn’t think Emma was usually a morning person. She could be wrong, but she always looked about ready to fall asleep in class. Emma spun from her spot at the stove, spatula in hand and a bright smile on her face, almost squashing Alyssa’s assumptions until she saw how tired her eyes looked.

“Alyssa! You’re awake early!” Emma exclaimed, a light blush dusting her cheeks as she fiddled with the handle of the spatula. Alyssa saw her eyes dart over to the kitchen table and followed them to see a tray set up. It had fresh sliced strawberries and what looked to be a small pot of coffee. The tray also contained a... succulent?Emma pursed her lips as Alyssa looked over the tray that was supposed to come up to Emma’s room as a surprise. Alyssa couldn’t help but giggle at the blonde’s face, Emma’s gaze soft and warm but still somehow sending a shiver through Alyssa. She didn’t think too much of it, picking up the succulent that was sitting in the corner of the breakfast tray. “Uhm, I didn’t have a rose or a flower or anything. His name’s Barnaby, he’s Kevin’s, so you can’t keep him. But! I’ll uh, I’ll have flowers for the tray next time,” Emma quickly explained, a bright smile on her face.

Alyssa examined the plant, a goofy grin falling onto her features as she looked up to meet Emma’s eyes. “Next time?” she asked, raising a brow.

Her question seemed to make Emma back track slightly, a startled look in her eyes. “Well, I-” She started, rubbing the back of her neck, “There doesn’t _have _to be a next time, but like... If you ever want to crash here again? Like, I don’t mind making breakfast and I know it beats living off of breakfast bars.”

“Well,” Alyssa started, plucking a strawberry from the tray, “I think that if you’re planning to make breakfast to keep me healthy then I don’t see a reason that there can’t be a next time.” She smiled cheekily as she took a bite of the strawberry, not quite meeting Emma’s gaze. Something about the way the blonde was looking at her after how they’d spent the night made her blush a light red and wonder what was going through her mind. “What are you lookin’ at?” She chuckled, taking another bite and bit her lower lip. Her whole body seemed to be on edge with the light smile gracing Emma’s lips. Much to her dismay, Emma just shrugged and turned around to flip the pancakes, leaving Alyssa in an unfortunate state of never getting an answer.


	5. five

“So, what you’re telling me,” Shelby’s tone was more irritated than quizzical, “is that you spent the night... in Emma Nolan’s bed? She made you breakfast in bed a-”

“She tried to,” Alyssa interjected, raising a finger and attempting to get another word in, “I woke up before she could bring it upstairs.”

“Alyssa,” Shelby reasoned, resting her hands on her friend’s shoulders as she forced her to make eye contact. “That is entirely not the point here. The point is that even if you’re not gay, or if you are and you just don’t like Emma like that, this girl has it bad for you.” She released her hold on Alyssa and turned to take a moment to recollect herself. To her it was more than apparent that Emma and Alyssa were more than friends, even if neither of them wanted to admit it, or talk about what might be between them. “Look,” she sighed, turning to face Alyssa again and look over her friend’s reaction, “I know you said you weren’t gay, and I want to respect it and I want to believe you. I just-” She paused and rubbed her face before bracing herself against a chair. “I don’t want you and Emma to not be on the same page. What if she thinks this is something more than it is to you Alyssa?”

“She doesn’t,” Alyssa stated, not wanting to elaborate because deep down she wasn’t sure that they were on the same page. She knew Emma was gay, but surely Emma wouldn’t have feelings for her, right? They were just good friends and that’s more than Alyssa could ever ask for. Besides, Alyssa wasn’t interested in girls, at least she didn’t think she was, so it shouldn’t matter to her.

“How can you be sure though? Have you asked her about her feelings?” Shelby made a point, but it wasn’t one that Alyssa was ready to hear. She was entirely in denial of the possibility of the girl she considered her best friend thinking of her as more than a friend.

Alyssa took a deep breath as her phone rang, thankful for the distraction. She looked down at it and perked up as she saw her mom’s contact photo light up her screen. “It’s my mom, and as much as I’d like to continue this conversation,” She answered her phone, looking Shelby in the eyes as her tone changed, “Hi mom!” Alyssa began walking toward her room, genuinely not sure why her mother was calling her.

_“Hi sweetie, I wanted to check in on you since we’re reaching midterms and Thanksgiving and everything. How are things going?”_

Alyssa smiled into her phone, forever thankful for her mother. They hadn’t always seen eye to eye, but no matter how bad things got between them, they always found a way to work through it. “Things are good mom. I’ve been hanging out with a girl from my Shakespeare class and her fraternity a lot, so that’s been keeping me busy aside from school work,” She knew that telling her mom she was spending all her time at a frat house probably wasn’t the best move, but she knew that if she didn’t then her mother would assume she was still moping around her own home without friends aside from her sorority sisters.

_“A fraternity? Alyssa you shouldn’t be focusing on boys right now. Your studies are important. How are you supposed to graduate if you let yourself get distracted by boys? Besides I hardly think that fraternity brothers are the type of guy you should be dating.”_

“Mom,” Alyssa sighed, knowing her mother missed the point, “I’m not dating a fraternity brother. There’s this frat on campus, FIJI, that’s full of really nice people. And one of the people in it, **her** name’s Emma, is in my Shakespeare class. We met at a party at the beginning of the semester and we became friends. She’s a music major and she’s really nice. She’s been teaching me to bake. I promise,” Alyssa paused again, a weird feeling hitting her chest as she worked up to reminding her mother that she wasn’t prioritizing dating over her studies, “I promise you that I’m working on my studies before I do anything else. I haven’t even looked at dating anyone since the semester started.”

_“She’s teaching you to bake? That’s nice of her. I still don’t like the idea of you spending all of your time over there, but promise me that you’ll tell me more about her? I have to go show a house, but if you really are spending your time with this Emma girl then I want to meet her. I want to be sure she’s better than those sorority girls you spent last year with.”_

“You mean Kaylee and Shelby?” Alyssa asked, stifling a chuckle. She knew that her mother had never been a big fan of either girl, but there wasn’t anything she could really do to change her mind. “They’re really nice girls mom, they just... are different.”

_“Yes, they’re certainly different dear. But I still don’t know that I trust their judgement on what college is really about,” _Her mother wished her a good day and reminded her to eat before they ended the call and Alyssa was left with her own thoughts intruding on her peaceful Saturday afternoon.

**____________**

**Emma: _hey, what would you say we go on a picnic on Tuesday?_**

**Alyssa: _I definitely wouldn’t say no, but what’s the special occasion?_**

**Emma: _Just want an excuse to go on a picnic with my favorite girl_**

**____________**

Emma laid out the blanket and smiled over at Alyssa, wondering how she had convinced Alyssa to come out for a picnic when the weather was just barely in the fifties. It wasn’t particularly windy, so that kept them a little warmer than they usually would’ve been this time of year in Indiana. “I didn’t go over the top with food, but I did snag us a bottle of wine? I figured since this was more of a dinner picnic than a lunch picnic it might go well with the food I did make.” She reached into the basket, pulling out the bottle as she sat on the blanket. She looked over at Alyssa and offered a cheesy smile, “I know that this is like _romantic _type stuff, but I just figured wine and pasta went together well.”

“Wine doesn’t always have to be romantic Em,” Alyssa chuckled, sending a chill through Emma’s body. Alyssa was right, it didn’t have to be romantic, but there was a part of her that wanted it to be. She nodded in agreement, continuing to unpack the basked as Alyssa got comfortable. She noticed out of the corner of her eye when Alyssa shivered as the wind blew past them and without so much as batting an eye she shrugged off her own jacket and draped it around Alyssa’s shoulders. “Thanks,” Alyssa giggled, ducking her head and pulling her arms through the sleeves, “but aren’t you going to be cold now?”

“No,” Emma assured her, playing with the sleeve of her flannel, “I only really brought the jacket along with in case you needed it. I don’t typically get cold.” She gave a cheeky smile before leaning back slightly and taking in the sight before her. Alyssa buried her hands in the pockets and curled slightly into it for the warmth.

After a few moments, Alyssa pulled something out of one of the pockets. Her head tilted as she looked at the folded piece of paper, chuckling at the small hearts doodled on the corners of it. “Someone have a secret admirer?” Emma paled, reaching out for the note and just barely missing it as Alyssa pulled it back. “What do you think you’re doing?” Alyssa giggled, unfolding the note and glancing over the page, “This is your handwriting...” She trailed off as she started to read.

_A sea of blue brandishes, cue the landscape like untamed water_

_Floating and drifting, I am dandelion seeds and you a valley._

_I come to this valley to admire the flowers as they swing _

_and twirl together_

_Admire the sights that endlessly baffle me._

_Floating and drifting, I am dandelion and you a valley_

_By some mystic force I was drawn to you_

_Admiring the sights that endlessly baffle me_

_Bringing a smile to features that only held sadness._

_By some mystic force I was drawn to you_

_And yet here I stayed, no purpose to be found._

_Bringing a smile to features that only held sadness_

_Growing into something new_

_And yet, here I stayed, no purpose to be found._

_Falling Endlessly_

_Growing into something new._

_I used to come to this valley to admire the flowers._

_Now I come to admire you.’_

“Emma,” Alyssa whispered, staring at the paper with a look on her face Emma couldn’t quite make out. It looked somewhere between adoration and jealousy but neither of those emotions made sense. “Did you write this?”

“I-” Emma found herself at a loss for words, how did she go about telling Alyssa that not only did she write the poem, but she wrote it for Alyssa. It had been a poem she’d simply scribbled down in between her notes during class, but something in her had torn it out of her notepad and stuck it into her pocket. Maybe it was because of something like this happening and the universe was sending her a sign. Or, the more likely option. Emma had been avoiding Alyssa seeing it, right up until she forgot that it was there. “Yeah, I wrote it during class one day.” She figured honesty was the best policy, but she couldn’t help but feel a knot in her stomach at the thought.

“Your mind wandering to some pretty girl instead of focusing on the trials and tribulations of Macbeth? That’s not very studious of you,” Alyssa teased, eyes meeting Emma’s and it was as if the world stopped for the blonde. There were two options she could take here and neither sounded like the right one. She could own up to thinking about Alyssa and kiss her, that was option one. Option two was playing it off and sounding like a total player, which was the last thing she wanted Alyssa to think she was.

“Uh,” she blushed, rubbing the back of her neck as she came up with the story that she thought would cover, “I wrote it about this husky that I saw on my way to class one day. Totally not about a girl or anything.” She offered a hopeful and cheeky smile, praying that Alyssa at least found the story funny enough that she wouldn’t pry any further.

“Emma,” Alyssa pouted, continuing to look at her as she folded the note and set it in her lap, “I’m being serious. I know that wasn’t for a dog, I know how you get when you see a dog. Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Fine,” Emma huffed, biting her lip to hide a shit eating grin threatening to split her face in half, “It’s about Carrie.”

“You said you two weren’t dating!” Alyssa gasped, seemingly believing Emma. Emma saw a hint of what looked like jealousy in her eyes and immediately felt guilty about lying to the brunette. 

“We aren’t, I’m joking. Again. Carrie is not the lucky lady in my life. I honestly don’t know that this lady is the lucky one here. I am pretty sure that I’m the lucky one,” Emma had such a loving and honest tone to her voice that she scared herself. Her eyes stayed locked on Alyssa the entire time she spoke, hoping that she could get her point across without having to really say the words, “This girl is someone I could definitely see myself changing to be a better person for. I would probably do anything for her, except murder. I draw a hard line at murder.”

“Emma,” Alyssa giggled, shoving her shoulder playfully before looking down at the note again. 

“Alyssa,” Emma said softly, licking her lips in anticipation of the step she was about to take, “I wrote it about you.” She ducked her head, not wanting to see the reaction at first. She only lifted it after she felt a soft kiss pressed to her cheek and found Alyssa grinning from ear to ear at her.

“You’re such an amazing friend,” she said, clearly not seeing anything deeper in Emma’s admission. A part of the blonde was thankful for that, but the rest of her wished that Alyssa could see just how much she meant to her.

**____________**

“Lys?” Emma asked, peering into the kitchen and finding Alyssa crying to herself as she threw open a window to let the smoke filter out. She’d been attempting to surprise the blonde with cookies after their picnic the day before but it clearly hadn’t turned out in her favor. Emma stood at the end of the counter and watched her friend carefully.

“Emma, I don’t think these cookies turned out right,” Alyssa mumbled, biting her lip and looking at the charred baked goods sitting on the counter. She’d followed the recipe almost perfectly, except she had set the timer for an extra twenty minutes on accident. The first tray was nearly hockey pucks, but the second had come out a nice golden color. Those ones seemed salvageable, although they tasted terrible to Alyssa. She offered a sheepish smile, moving to pull the garbage can over to where the cookies were.

Just as she started to throw them, Kevin came sliding into the kitchen, “I smell cookies!” He looked between Emma and Alyssa before grabbing one off of the tray and all but swallowing it whole. His brow furrowed as he looked between them again and saw the glare on Emma’s face. Alyssa was watching him carefully as he swallowed it, “Alyssa! Those cookies are... delicious!”

“You don’t have to lie Kev,” Alyssa sighed, ducking her head as Greg and Nick came barreling into the kitchen fighting about some video game they’d been playing. “I made cookies but please don’t eat them they’re horrible,” Alyssa explained as Kevin reached for another cookie and signaled for his friends to do the same. Alyssa didn’t see because her back was turned to Emma, but the blonde was staring down her housemates in an attempt to get them to be kinder about Alyssa’s baking skills.

Greg coughed a little as he chewed his, grinning through a mouthful, “These are really great cookies ‘Lyssa. Almost at Emma’s level.” Nick nodded in agreement before stealing two more off of the trays and mumbling something about beating Greg back to the Xbox. The girls watched the boys rush back out of the room like children before Alyssa turned to face Emma with a stern look.

“Don’t you dare tell me that my cookies are good Emma,” Alyssa pouted, watching as she reached out and took a cookie. Emma thoughtfully took a bite and kept eye contact with Alyssa the entire time. There was something about her gaze that the brunette couldn’t quite place, but that was part of Emma’s charm. Alyssa never knew what to expect.

Grinning from ear to ear as she forcibly swallowed the burnt cookie, Emma straightened up from the counter, “I thought it was pretty good. Maybe a little over done, but the texture was good other than that and I feel like if this was Food Network you’d get a second chance.” This earned a shove from Alyssa, “Fine, how about we make cookies together? That way we can ensure you beat Bobby Flay.” Alyssa nodded and as they cleaned up the first round of cookies, she found herself laughing at every Food Network joke that Emma came up with, no matter how corny.


	6. six

“So...” Kevin started, sitting on the edge of Emma’s bed late Friday night, raising an eyebrow at his friend. “Do you want to tell me why you gave everyone a death glare when we didn’t want to eat Alyssa’s cookies right away? Or are we not ready to discuss it?” He knew that his friend was going through processing her own emotions, but he also knew that if she kept it bottled up there was little to no way that anything healthy would come of it. “Or, if we want to discuss other friendly behavior, the picnic. I saw what you made Emma, that wasn’t a simple picnic.”

“Nope, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I would like to sleep,” Emma groaned, rolling over and pulling a pillow over her head. She was not in the mood to deal with anyone prying into how she felt and what her intentions behind anything regarding Alyssa was. She knew that she liked her friend and she knew that there was no way that Alyssa would like her back. Especially considering the brunette’s response to having a love poem written about her was calling Emma an amazing friend and not thinking anything more of it.

Kevin didn’t seem to be relenting however, pulling the pillow away from Emma and throwing it at the end of the bed. “Emma,” his voice was stern, clearly concerned about his friend, but not wanting to make it too overbearing so that she didn’t shut him out completely, “talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. You can’t be going through this sort of thing alone dude.” Emma had to admit that she was thankful for his persistence, but that didn’t mean she wanted to have a heart-to-heart with him at one in the morning. His voice softened as he continued to try an appeal to his friend, clearly hoping that something would change in her mind and make her open up. “Please don’t keep it to yourself or something in you might die a little every time you leave this room. It’s like when Nick and Jenna broke up, he didn’t want to admit that he was upset about it and it ate him alive. Do you remember,” Kevin glanced at the door, checking to make sure no one was listening in, “having to pull him out of his room and make him shower because he just wouldn’t get up? I don’t want to have to do that to you.”

“Kev,” Emma sighed, rolling onto her back and looking at him with disdain. She was craving sleep more than anything in that moment, just so she could avoid this conversation. She knew she couldn’t get out of it, but that wasn’t going to stop her from trying. He was persistent and chipping away at her defenses, so with another sigh she sat up and ran a hand through her messy hair, “I am not going to end up like Nick. I can promise you that. I glared at everyone because she worked so hard on those. She forgot to set the timer and I think she used salt instead of sugar, but did we not make up for it by making another like four dozen?”

Kevin raised an eyebrow and cracked a smile, “Okay. But what about the picnic? What happened with that?”

“Oh no,” Emma laughed, holding her hand up and shaking her head quickly, “I do not want to talk about that. There is way too much to unpack with that and it’s just... not something I’m ready for.”

“Em,” the boy chided, reaching up and taking her hand in his own to draw her attention back to the room they were in, “It’s okay to not be ready, but if you keep avoiding this then we might never get you to open up about it and the issue will keep eating away at you. Can I tell you what I think is happening and you can tell me if I’m right or not?” He waited for Emma to nod in agreement before he let go of her hand and cracked a smile, “I think that you like Alyssa. Maybe not in the ‘I’m secretly in love with my best friend’ way yet, but there’s something there. And I think that maybe, you’re subconsciously trying to show her something like that. Or maybe you’re intentionally doing it, but you’re never that type of girl. That’s why we joke that you’re a Chad. Because you just tend to unintentionally string girls along. But that’s a different conversation,” Kevin didn’t miss how Emma went to smack him when he referred to her as a Chad. It had been a running joke Nick started, but Emma had never been fond of it. “I think that you genuinely might have feelings for Alyssa Greene and it’s causing you to not know how to act. So the lines between friends and more is blurred, but I think she likes you back.”

“She doesn’t,” Emma replied, not saying anything further on whether his guess was right or not. She didn’t like being an open book when it came to her feelings, but she understood why he knew what was going on with her. He knew her better than almost anyone outside of her grandmother, and the look in his eyes said that even if she didn’t want to talk about it, he wasn’t going anywhere.  
  
“Emma,” Kevin sighed, ready to tell her that she did and Emma just couldn’t see it through her own denial but the blonde threw up her hand to stop him, shaking her head.

“Don’t ‘Emma’ me Kev. She doesn’t like me back. She literally found a love poem I wrote about her and said I was an ‘amazing friend’ for it,” Emma blinked back tears as it hit her full force just how much it hurt when Alyssa called her a friend. “I-I can’t do this right now. I’ll just, we’ll talk later. Okay? I just don’t want to be conscious right now.” She didn’t give him an option to press her further, grabbing the pillow from the other side of the bed and burying her face in it. She waited until she heard the door close to let out the choked sob that had caught in her throat.

____________

“Alyssa,” Shelby sighed, rubbing her face with her hands before fixing her friend with a withering look. “You can’t be serious right now. You’re telling me that you genuinely believe that Emma Nolan wrote you a love poem for you because... she’s a good friend?”

Saying it out loud made Alyssa feel like it didn’t sound quite right, but her gut told her that it was the only logical response. “I mean,” Alyssa mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck and avoiding meeting Shelby’s eyes, “when you say it like that it sounds dumb. But Emma wouldn’t lie about something like that, would she? I mean, maybe she did write it for Carrie and just didn’t want to admit it?” Alyssa didn’t like the idea of Emma dating Carrie, but she knew she shouldn’t be jealous. They were just friends, so why did it leave a bad taste in her mouth.

“And now you’re trying to tell me that Carrie Delgatto, the girl that Emma swore up and down she wasn’t dating. A girl who has been hounding her for another date for the two months you two have known each other. A girl she _only _sees during class or on campus, is the girl that she wrote a love poem about? Alyssa,” Shelby was clearly frustrated with Alyssa as she ran a hand through her hair and glared over at her friend. Alyssa wanted nothing more than to sink into the couch and disappear for the day. “Lys, please tell me that you genuinely don’t believe she’s seriously into Carrie. You can’t be that _stupid_.”

Alyssa clenched her fists for a moment, sitting up straighter and glaring right back at Shelby, “Shelbs, I am not that stupid. I’m just trying to logically look at things. Emma would tell me if she had feelings for me. Can we just drop it?”

“Fine,” Shelby sighed, throwing her hands up in defeat and starting to leave the room before she turned to face Alyssa again. ‘But,” she took a deep breath, “Emma might be trying to salvage your friendship. A gay girl falling for a straight girl has ruined a lot of relationships. I thought Kaylee would stop being my friend if I told her I had feelings for her so I didn’t for like the entire summer.” Shelby glanced toward the kitchen, where Kaylee was watching a _Bon Appetit _video, “If I hadn’t gotten drunk that night you met Emma I don’t think I would’ve ever told her. But,” another pause as Shelby slipped further into the room and leaned against the back of the couch, “I’m really glad I did. Because even though I thought she was straight, she wasn’t. And she liked me back.”

It felt like Alyssa’s world exploded as she took in the bomb that her friend had just dropped. She had spent the past few months thinking that nothing had changed between her two friends and now they were dating? She looked up to find the room empty, her thoughts becoming louder. She wanted to go find Kaylee and Shelby and ask them how they knew they weren’t straight, how they knew what falling for each other felt like. She had a million questions, and none of them wanted to be voiced.

____________

Emma sipped her coffee, wandering through campus between her classes when Greg came into view, waving her down. She stopped in front of the tree he was sitting underneath and pulled out one headphone, “What’s up Greg? Need guy advice again?” She dropped her backpack and sat beside him, propping her arms up on her knees.

“No,” Greg frowned, shoving her slightly which caused her to laugh, “I actually was going to ask if Alyssa was going to join us for Thanksgiving? Cause Nick invited Carrie, Jess and Hayden and I didn’t want it to be awkward.” Emma furrowed her brow, tilting her head slightly and looking at Greg in an attempt to decipher why he thought it would be awkward. Greg could sense what she was doing and raised a brow, “You know, because Carrie and Jess both have a thing for you? And you’ve hooked up with them before? Bringing your new girl around them might make it awkward?”

“Okay, first of all,” Emma scoffed, holding up a finger, “I never hooked up with anyone. I’ve made out with them, that’s it. Anyone who says any different is a liar, I’m saving myself.” She held up a second finger, pausing for a moment to wave at Alyssa as she passed by on her way to her science class. She got a lost puppy look in her eyes as she watched her friend pass before snapping back to reality, “Secondly, Alyssa is not ‘my new girl.’ We’re friends. Whether I have feelings for her or not is unimportant because all we are is friends. I don’t know if she’s coming to Thanksgiving, she might be going back home for the holiday, but if she isn’t then I’m sure she’ll be coming. I want her to meet Gran.”

“Not even officially dating and _she _gets to meet Gran?” Greg teased, bumping shoulders with Emma only for her to playfully shove him to the side. “What?” He laughed, sitting back up and looking at her, “That’s a pretty big step because you know how your Gran gets.”

“Yeah, don’t make me regret it. Alyssa is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less. My personal feelings aren’t hers so I swear if you, or Nick, or Kevin give her a whole twenty questions type of shit. I’ll lose it.” Emma’s jaw was tense, she knew that her friends were just looking out for her but something in her really didn’t like how they were trying to push the boundaries of what Emma was comfortable with. They meant well but they were also men, and men never truly understand what its like trying to court a woman.

Greg threw up his hands in defense, looking at Emma as if she had four heads, “I would never. I know we joke about that sort of thing, but we love having Alyssa around. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that just because we’re all rooting for you guys to _finally _get together. But if you insist that she’s straight I have to ask, have you asked her? Like I know she knows you’re gay. Everyone knows that.” He paused to rub his arm when Emma punched him playfully. He stuck his tongue out and rolled his eyes before continuing, “You know I’m right Emma. It’s super obvious that you fall in the ‘not straight’ category of life. Alyssa? Alyssa is more ambiguous, she doesn’t have the ‘I’m straight’ label plastered to her on the outside. So you should probably ask her. Just so you actually know?”

Emma knew he made a good point, but something in her was saying he was wrong and she couldn’t explain it. She wanted to just trust his judgement and ask Alyssa, but the fear of opening a can of worms that could cost her Alyssa in her life entirely was too overpowering. What if she assumed that Emma was in love with her and left? What if she got offended Emma asked if she wasn’t straight? There were too many variables and as she said goodbye to Greg, needing to make it to her next class on time, they kept replaying themselves in her head.

____________

“Alright class,” Professor Oliver started, setting a large stack of papers on the podium at the front of the room, “We’re down to one class period remaining before we start our presentations. I thought it would be a good idea to spend this class talking about the importance of emotion when one is reading poetry. When I was merely a student at the institution of Juilliard I took a class on monologuing.” The groans that filled the room didn’t diminish Professor Oliver’s demeanor in the slightest. Emma leaned over to where Alyssa was sat across the aisle and set a coffee on the corner of her desk with a soft grin. She was easily drowning out the professor as she watched Alyssa carefully.

She’d carefully scrawled a poem on the side of the cup, hoping to get a reaction out of Alyssa. It took the brunette a bit to realize the writing was there but when she did, her head tilted to read it. Emma felt eyes on them and snapped her head to look at the person, finding Carrie and Jess watching them with an intense gaze. She shot them a bright, charming smile, waving slightly before turning her head back to Alyssa, who was now looking at her.

“Tulips?” She asked with a soft smile, raising the coffee cup before turning her head back toward the front of the room.

_Like flowers in a garden_

_Love grows endlessly and blooms_

_You were a tulip I’d never planted_

_but my god did I fall for you_

_the prettiest thing I’d ever seen_

_So,_

_I began watering you, _

_loving you,_

_and pulling any weeds_

_that threatened to stifle your beauty_

_You continued to grow and pop up_

_each_

_and every spring_

_a bright hello,_

_to shut out the cold_


	7. Seven

“Hey, Lys?” Emma asked, looking over to where the brunette was sprawled out on the couch. She’d been trying to pick different sonnets to read, although she’d definitely settled on one that she wanted to read. The rest of the time had been spent picking one just in case she wanted to get the extra credit. “What about sonnet ninety-eight? From you have I been absent in the spring,” Emma began reading without waiting for Alyssa to say yes or no, just in case the brunette didn’t know what sonnet that was without looking at it. Emma figured it gave time for Alyssa to find it and she didn’t have to read it in her head, “When proud-pied April dress’d in all his trim hath put a spirit of youth in every thing,”

She looked up for a moment, smiling over to Alyssa as she found the brunette shoving an entire cookie in her mouth. It took all of her concentration not to bust into a fit of laughter at the sight, “that heavy Saturn laugh’d and leap’d with him. Yet nor the lays of birds nor the sweet smell of different flowers in odour and in hue could make me any summer’s story tell.” This was a serious poem, for a serious assignment, and Emma wasn’t going to start laughing in the middle of it just because Alyssa looked more chipmunk than human as another snowman cookie found its way into her cheek.

Alyssa grabbed another cookie she looked over at the blonde, listening to her read before propping herself up on one elbow to get a better look. There was a part of the scene that screamed ‘romance movie’ but the feeling in Emma’s stomach was one that she pushed off, trying to ignore how Alyssa looking at her made her feel. What she hadn’t accounted for, was how Alyssa reciting poetry to her would make her feel. But as the other girl started, it felt like her heart leapt out of her chest and ran across the living room to sit in front of her like a kindergartener during story time, “Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew; Nor did I wonder at the lily’s white.” The smile spreading across Alyssa’s face as she stunned Emma into silence only made that feeling in her stomach grow more prominent. This crush was getting out of hand. “Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose; they were but sweet, but figures of delight,” as their eyes met, it was as if all the air in the room grew twice as heavy, a look that Emma couldn’t quite place in Alyssa’s eyes. She wanted to believe her heart when it said it was a sign that she felt the same, but something in her told her to not get her hopes up.

This crush would pass, it would have to, there was no true way for it not to without Emma falling in love. Not only was that not a choice for her, but it was ultimately the worst option because Alyssa Greene was her best friend. Not only was that the one trope Emma had sworn to herself she would never fall for, she didn’t want to risk losing Alyssa. But as they kept getting to know each other, the feeling in her stomach only grew and fluttered at the thought. She couldn’t begin to count the number of times in the past two weeks that she had thought about Halloween. “Drawn after you, you pattern of all those. Yet seem’d it winter still, and, you away, as with your shadow I with these did play.” She recited alongside Alyssa, nose crinkling as she buried her gay panic further down inside of her, determined to make this feeling disappear as they went back to studying and joking. There had to be a better explanation for why this was happening to Emma.

____________

“Alyssa, you’re up first!” Professor Oliver said excitedly, grinning. Alyssa took one last glance over the page she had in her hands before leaving it on her desk and moving to the front of the room. She hadn’t expected to be the first one to read, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. She turned on her heel and leaned against the podium, “To me, fair friend, you never can be old, for as you were when first your eye I eyed, such seems your beauty still.” Her eyes met Emma’s, smiling over to her friend. A part of her wondered why her gaze seemed to be drawn to the blonde, but she shook it off, telling herself that it was just because Emma was the person she was most comfortable with in the room. So of course, when she was reading a sonnet that was more loving, she would look at someone who she considered her best friend. Best friends loved each other.

“Three winters cold have from the forests shook three summers’ pride,” Alyssa’s voice trembled ever so slightly, nerves taking over her as she found herself not able to be as confident about this presentation as her mind decided to wander to the first night that her and Emma had met. “Three beauteous springs to yellow autumn turned in process of the seasons have I seen,” Alyssa felt her heart miss a beat as Emma seemed to sense her nerves and gave her the most loving smile that Alyssa thought anyone had ever given her. Her hands trembled ever so slightly, “Three April perfumes in three hot Junes burned, since first I saw you fresh, which yet are green.”

Okay so maybe Alyssa’s feelings towards Emma were a little more than friendly, but that didn’t mean it was a crush. It didn’t mean she was gay. She just enjoyed Emma’s company more than most, “Ah, yet doth beauty, like a dial-hand, steal from his figure, and no pace perceived;” she didn’t have to have a romantic stake in a relationship with someone, sometimes friendship could give that same feeling. What Alyssa didn’t realize in her revelation, was the way Emma looked at her didn’t scream _friendship. _“So your sweet hue, which methinks still doth stand, hath motion, and mine eye may be deceived: for fear of which, hear this, thou age unbred:” Alyssa’s heart skipped a beat as she watched Emma’s lips move along with the words she was saying, as if the blonde was talking about her, “ere you were born was beauty’s summer dead.”

“Okay,” Alyssa took a deep breath, rubbing her hands together as she looked between the class and the professor, “I did choose to take on a second poem, so here goes.” She shot a bright smile to Professor Oliver before her eyes found Emma’s once more, her focus going to remembering the words and not to deciphering the butterflies in her stomach at the way Emma’s eyes twinkled when she saw Alyssa was nervous, “Let those who are in favour with their stars of public honour and proud titles boast, whilst I,” she motioned to herself with a cheeky grin, tossing a wink to Emma, “whom fortune of such triumph bars, unlook'd for joy in that I honour most.” The confidence she felt in that moment floated across the room, spurred on by the way the blonde wasn’t looking anywhere but her. As she wrote her notes, hazel eyes watched Alyssa carefully, not even bothering to glance at her page to see if she were writing in the lines, “Great princes' favourites their fair leaves spread but as the marigold at the sun's eye, and in themselves their pride lies buried, for at a frown they in their glory die.”

“The painful warrior famoused for fight, after a thousand victories once foil'd,” Dramatically, Alyssa threw her arm across her forehead, grinning from ear to ear as she attempted to get a laugh out of Emma. This assignment might be worth a quarter of her grade, but what was Shakespeare without a little, or a lot, of drama, “is from the book of honour razed quite, and all the rest forgot for which he toil'd:” She took a deep breath, setting both hands on the podium and bringing herself back to a calm composure. The last few lines of the sonnet had stuck with her since the night prior when she’d been reading over them. The way that Emma was looking at her just drove them and the poem prior home more, causing an ache in Alyssa’s chest that she couldn’t describe, “Then happy I, that love and am beloved where I may not remove nor be removed.” Alyssa didn’t wait for the class to finish writing their stance on how she did as she took her seat, smiling across the aisle at Emma.

“Carrie,” the professor called, not looking up from his own notes as Alyssa took her seat and the next girl stood. Emma grinned from ear to ear at Alyssa as the brunette sat back down and she felt a blush light up her cheeks. Alyssa had thought maybe Emma would keep her focus on Carrie but it was as if there was no one else in the room besides the pair. It made something in Alyssa’s chest flutter and a gentle blush reach her cheeks.

“You were amazing,” Emma whispered, leaning on her desk so she could be closer to Alyssa. “I don’t know how anyone would be able to top it,” the charming smile on her face only grew as she saw the hint of blush on Alyssa’s cheeks. Carrie however, stood at the front of the room and tapped her foot impatiently. The sound caused the pair’s heads to snap to the front, “When my love swears that she is made of truth I do believe her, though I know she lies.” Carrie kept her focus on Emma as she recited, a look in her eyes that threw Alyssa off. It looked like jealousy, or betrayal. She looked between the pair, the words of the sonnet drifting in and out of her focus as she found Emma looking back at her as it came to an end. There was no way that they were dating, but that didn’t mean that Carrie didn’t wish they were. “Therefore I lie with her and she with me, and in our faults by lies we flatter’d be.” She watched as Carrie took her seat, tears visibly falling from her cheeks. Alyssa didn’t have anything to write, not missing the hurt that was etched in every inch of the girl’s face.

____________

“You’re so lucky you didn’t have to go today Emma,” Carrie pouted, walking alongside her and Alyssa as they made their way back to the center of campus. Alyssa couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy work its way through her as she looked at how close Carrie was to Emma. As if sensing Alyssa’s jealousy, she looped her arm in Emma’s, causing the blonde to look down at it for a brief moment before holding out her free hand for Alyssa to take with a soft smile. Alyssa could tell that Emma was clueless to the signs that Carrie was sending her, the lost puppy look in her eyes only growing at Alyssa didn’t take her hand right away.

She dropped her hand and pulled her arm out of Carrie’s, turning to look at her friend with a smile, “I wouldn’t have minded going. Some of us actually like Shakespeare, Carrie.” Her smile only grew as Carrie gave her a playful shove, “Come on, you know I’m just messing with you.”

“Yeah, but you couldn’t keep your eyes off of curls over there when she was at the podium, or after,” Carrie hummed, looking over Alyssa with a disapproving gaze. There was something about her look that made Alyssa shift uneasily. Any animosity or disapproval was gone in a matter of moment though as Carrie turned her attention back to Emma with a smile, “You should come to the party this weekend, the girls have been missing you.”

_The Girls. _Alyssa thought the name for Emma’s many suitors was pretentious, or a name fitting of a mediocre garage band from the mid 2000’s. She bit her tongue however, ready to interject and say that she and Emma had plans, but they didn’t. At least, not any that they’d solidified. Emma glanced over to Alyssa for a brief moment and gave a soft smile before answering the invitation with a very nonchalant tone, “My Gran is coming to town early, so I think it would be rude to go to a party when I should be spending time with her. Besides, I don’t know if Alyssa is gonna be able to make it to Thanksgiving, so I want her to meet my Gran if she’s up for it?” There was a softness to Emma when she talked about her grandmother that all but melted the walls that Alyssa hadn’t realized she still had up.

“I-” Alyssa looked over to where Carrie was still glaring at her, as if in an attempt to intimidate her, but the brunette only let her eyes land on the girl for a moment before finding Emma’s eyes again, “I’m going home to spend it with my mom, but I’ll try and stop by before I leave, okay? I’d really like to meet her. And if-if I can’t make it to meet her now, I promise I’ll meet her at Christmas time. I have to meet the woman who raised my best friend.” A dopey smile spread across Emma’s face, her head nodding vigorously. Alyssa couldn’t help but think she looked more and more like a golden retriever each time they hung out, but it was in the most endearing way. She slipped her hand into Emma’s as they continued on their way to the coffee shop just a few blocks off campus, Carrie wordlessly going off on her own at some point.

____________

Emma took a deep breath, snatching her book up off her desk as she looked the professor in the eyes, “I have them memorized so I don’t need the book, but just in case.” She shot him a confident smile before leaning on the podium and looking around at the class, “I chose to take two sonnets for the assignment, you can never have too much extra credit.” She didn’t miss how Carrie scoffed and Jess rolled her eyes, both girls knowing that Emma had the highest grade in the class. She shot them a playful glare before resting her cheek in her hand, “Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.”

Her eyes met Alyssa’s, heart skipping a beat as she took in the effortless beauty that she was. It was a little after ten in the morning and Emma didn’t think there was anyone more beautiful in the world, alive or dead. She kept her gaze locked on Alyssa as she continued her delivery, “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.” Furrowing her brow, she tried to place the feeling in her gut that she was trying to make a point. It’s not like she was one for relationships, or even one for romance. Even if she was, it certainly wasn’t directed at her best friend.“O no! it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken;” Her crush was just a purely aesthetic one. Alyssa was nice to look at, and definitely fun to be around and that’s all that these feelings were. That’s all Emma felt like she could allow them to be. “It is the star to every wand'ring bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.”

Still, as she looked at Alyssa, she couldn’t help but think about how it would feel to kiss her or to consider her a girlfriend in a not platonic sense. There was something about Alyssa that made her want to be the type for romance. Alyssa made her want to try without even doing anything. “Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come;” her voice wavered slightly as her eyes stayed locked on Alyssa, the words hitting her in a way that she never expected, “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.”

Emma felt her heart in her throat, hands trembling as they gripped the book tight enough to rip it with the slightest movement. Something in her was screaming to look away from Alyssa, but every other piece of her was locked on the brunette. She knew that this poem was not one to recite while lovingly looking at your best friend, it could give a girl the wrong idea. The desire to look away melted off of her as she was met with the softest smile known to man. It was as if everything else melted away and it was just the two of them, and as she spoke Emma let every word drip with sincerity. It was as if the pieces of a puzzle were all coming together, but she couldn’t see the image clearly, “If this be error and upon me prov'd, I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.”

Emma took in a deep breath and looked back to where Professor Oliver was sitting, “Do I do both my sonnets at once? I know you said to do my first one, but if I have a second one do you want me to just… hit you with it?” She knew that it was possible he had been waiting for her to start but the class had only just finished writing down how they felt about her first delivery. The professor nodded, giving her the go ahead before jotting down a quick note of his own.

Emma turned her head back to the class, sliding her hands in her pockets and thinking about how to introduce the second sonnet. As she thought for a moment, her eyes found Alyssa’s and she felt her heart skip a beat. She shouldn’t be thinking about her friend when she was about to recite what would arguably be Shakespeare’s most well known and romantic sonnet. Something in her wouldn’t let her break that eye contact however, “My second sonnet is number eighteen, I know it’s a classic and it could be considered overdone but the delivery is the important part of this. And personally, I think that I’ve got the delivery down perfectly.”

Taking a deep breath, Emma found herself focusing on only Alyssa, forgetting the assignment was even happening, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.” Her hands slipped in front of her as she spoke, fighting the urge just barely to motion to Alyssa. Instead she found them pressed against her chest as she delivered the lines, the feeling of love and adoration completely genuine in her voice, “Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer’s lease hath all too short a date.”

Emma took in a shallow breath, her heart beating loud enough in her ears that she swore Professor Oliver could hear it from his perch on the edge of his desk. Something about looking at Alyssa was awakening a feeling in her she hadn’t felt before. She’d go almost far enough to call it yearning, but that felt very personal and intimate. Not something she was ready for, it was just a crush.

“Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, and often is his gold complexion dimmed;” The light smile on Alyssa’s face made it hard to concentrate, although Emma knew that the brunette didn’t think that it was having any effect on her. It was just a friendly smile, she knew that Alyssa had no idea the effect that she had on Emma. It was all in the blonde’s head, but it made for a very convincing performance. She licked her lips briefly, running a hand through her hair, “and every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed;” Emma let her eyes scan the class, falling on Carrie for a moment and then to Greg.

Both of them were writing rather quickly, but Emma figured it was praise and not a scathing review of her line delivery. Greg knew he’d never hear the end of it if he pretended to be negative toward Emma in class. She wondered briefly why Alyssa hadn’t been writing the entire time, her eyes had been fairly locked on Emma. Quickly, Emma shook off the thought of Alyssa being that engrossed in her performance, not liking how the butterflies ignited in her stomach. She continued to scan the class as she spoke, “But thy eternal summer shall not fade, Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st, Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade, When in eternal lines to Time thou grow’st.”

Emma felt the knot in her chest grow larger as she let her eyes fall back on Alyssa, as if it was the brunette’s hold on her heart that Emma wouldn’t admit was there. She pushed herself off of where she was leaning on the podium, hand reaching over and grabbing one of the fake flowers off the podium.

She took a step forward, winking at Alyssa as a cue for the brunette to play along, before holding the flower out to her for the final two lines, “So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.” As she spoke Alyssa took the flower and gave a soft smile that all but melted the blonde. It was in that moment it clicked for Emma.

She was in love with Alyssa Greene.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Starlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long to write and post but I think it was worth it. I had some personal things going on that had to be taken care of, but my love Chad AU is back full force. Thank you to my friends that supported me through all of this and to all of you for waiting for me to come back

Emma ran her hand through her hair while she thought about the looming holiday break, not sure that her brain could take being in a room with that many people, sober, for not just one day, but three. She knew it would be more bearable if Alyssa were there, but from the looks of her travel plans, that was not going to happen. She watched the girl in front of her fiddle with the holder on her coffee cup, a gentle smile gracing her lips, “You’re positive your mom doesn’t just want to come stay with thirty some odd frat boys for the weekend? It’s totally a five star worthy event.” She took a sip of her own coffee, her heart fluttering as Alyssa let out a laugh, “Honestly, Lys, I’d be over the moon if you could make it work, but I would never force that on your mother. I barely want to subject my grandma to it but she loves having boys around that aren’t my dad.” Emma’s tone took a little sour turn as she thought about her father. She hoped that it wasn’t something Alyssa could pick up on, but the girl across from her was very intuitive. 

Alyssa took a sip of her coffee and studied Emma carefully, causing the blonde to shrink slightly under her gaze. She usually felt comfortable when Alyssa looked at her, but there was something in this look that made her stomach twist itself in knots. “Em,” Alyssa said softly, “As much as I’m dying to meet the woman that raised you, the woman that raised me is going to have my head on a silver platter if I don’t show up for dinner.” She reached across the table and took Emma’s hand, squeezing it lightly before letting go. The blonde knew it was meant to be reassuring but there were butterflies threatening to fly out of her throat at a moment’s notice because there was no more room in her stomach for them. “How about,” Alyssa started, eyes meeting Emma’s for only a brief moment before dropping to her coffee cup, playing with the lid mindlessly, “you and I have a Thanksgiving dinner of our own? We can go to a restaurant and celebrate tomorrow instead of Thursday? That way it’ll almost be like I’m there Thursday?”

The soft smile on Alyssa’s face all but melted the girl in front of her, Emma trying to find the words to accept the offer. “I-” the blonde started before nodding and grinning brightly, “Alyssa, that sounds like the perfect solution. My grandma will _definitely_ expect to meet you at Christmas then, she’s intent on having a proper relationship with all of my friends.” She carefully omitted the note that she’d told her grandmother more than just ‘Oh yeah Grandma I have a new friend.’ Alyssa didn’t need to hear about her gushing to her grandmother about how beautiful and smart Alyssa was. She didn’t need to say that her grandmother told her to kiss Alyssa on Halloween. She wasn’t lying exactly, just telling parts of the whole truth.

“I can promise that I’ll find a way to at least spend part of Christmas with you and the boys, but it means that my mom will want to meet you at least once,” the way Alyssa’s nose crinkled as she grinned at the idea of forcing Emma to meet her mother. Meeting parents always terrified Emma, partly because she lived in Indiana and she didn’t know who was homophobic and who wasn’t. The rest of her was scared because she knew that if the parents did like her, it wasn’t for all of her. It was for the part of her they saw around their child. “I promise she’s not as scary as she looks at first glance. She just thinks that dressing herself with clothes from Dress Barn makes her look more professional in the realty scene,” Alyssa explained with a laugh. 

“I have no problems meeting your mom, beautiful. I just hope she won’t have any issues with meeting me,” Emma fiddled with her edge of her cup, eyes never leaving Alyssa’s. 

“I can already tell you that she’s going to love you,” Alyssa chuckled, hand reaching out and taking Emma’s.

___________________

Alyssa shouldn’t have been worried about going to dinner with Emma Nolan. They’d had dinner and hung out almost every day since they met, and yet there was something about going to a restaurant that made it feel different. Emma hadn’t told her where they were going, saying it was a surprise but that they’d have to leave a little earlier than originally anticipated. Not knowing was driving Alyssa up a wall. It meant she didn’t know how to dress or if she needed to do her makeup. What if Emma was taking her to some five star restaurant? She hesitated for a moment before pulling out her phone and going to her messages with Emma. 

Emma 🥰  
  
**Yesterday** 11:11 PM  
11:11 make a wish Alyssa 💜   
You’re actually ridiculous. This is why I love you 🥰  
**Today** 5:01 PM  
What do I even wear? Like how fancy do I need to dress?  
  
semi-casual. Like how you’d dress to meet someone’s parents without looking too uptight  
That’s not the best explanation    
What about that purple dress you bought last week? It’s a nice night out so it’s not going to be too cold.    
If it is I’ll just lend you my jacket 😉    


Alyssa’s heard leapt into her chest as she looked over the last message again, staring at the emoji that had been added. Was it meant to be that emoji? What would it mean if she meant it? Alyssa thought about responding and asking the questions running through her head, but realized that she was overthinking something that should be simple. They were friends, getting dinner at a restaurant that Emma wouldn’t reveal. It wasn’t a five-star restaurant. They were in Indiana, and they were poor college students. As she finished getting dressed, she turned over the thoughts in her head for any clues as to where they could be going, unable to find any before Shelby’s voice from the living room let her know Emma was there.

___________________

“Welcome to the Starlight ladies, sit anywhere you’d like and Angie will be right over to take your order!” The boisterous man behind the counter called as they walked through the door. He didn’t look up for more than a moment the first time, finishing cashing out his customer at the bar before his eyes came back to the pair, Emma’s hand gently taking Alyssa’s as she began leading her to a cute little booth toward the window. “Emma! Well you should’ve given us a heads up you were coming down! Your Granny has been talking about how proud she is you’re off at college for weeks,” Barry chided, grinning from ear to ear as he leaned on the counter. Alyssa looked between the pair, raising an eyebrow with a teasing smile. “And who is this beauty?”

“Barry,” Emma sighed, giving an easy smile, “This is Alyssa Greene. My best friend. She’s going home for the holiday and couldn’t make it to see Gran at the house. So I decided to bring her here!” Emma looked like a mixture of an embarrassed teenager and a kid in a candy store as she talked to the older man. There was a look on his face that said he was just teasing but then his eyes flickered to Alyssa and he too got that kid-in-a-candy-store look. He came out from behind the counter and came up to shake her hand just before a woman’s voice called from the back, “Barry! Your food is up!” He stopped halfway between the counter and the pair, dramatically falling back and groaning, “Duty calls. We can catch up later Barry. And I’ll be visiting Gran a bit more over the winter. I can’t leave her to care for the calves all alone.”

Emma led her over to the booth, smiling fondly as they sat across from each other, “Sorry about that. Barry’s a family friend. He’s like a father to me.” Emma’s eyes seemed to dull for a moment before she snapped back to reality and her hazel eyes found Alyssa’s once more. “Enough of me being sappy,” Emma chuckled, eyes misty. As if sensing Emma’s impending awkwardness, a beautiful waitress sauntered up to the table, stealing Alyssa’s concentration away. This woman was at least seventy-five percent leg, and anyone would find themselves distracted, right?

“Hi ladies,” she greeted, setting the menus in front of them and leaning against Emma’s side of the booth, “My name is Angie, you must be Alyssa. Barry told me Emma had a pretty lady with her. He wasn’t wrong.” She threw a wink Alyssa’s way and the brunette’s stomach did a flip before she heard Emma groan, eyes rolling back with embarrassment. After Emma looked up at her pleadingly, Angie seemed to get the hint and continued on with her job, “I know what Emma wants, but if you’d like, I can give you a few minutes to look over the menu?”

As the waitress walked back toward the kitchen, the comfortable silence fell between the pair once more. It was always easy to just appreciate Emma’s presence, Alyssa didn’t find herself forcing a conversation. Things just seemed to come naturally for the pair. Emma hummed along to the song that was playing, which caused Alyssa to focus a little more on what was playing. “The music here is really old,” Alyssa said, looking around for the speaker system, or one of the touch screen jukeboxes she’d seen at local bars. She didn’t see one, just what looked like a jukebox out of _Grease_ and seemed to be the source of the music. 

“Yeah, they like to keep the fifties feel here. My grandma always said it seemed like Barry and Angie never aged.” Emma laughed, looking back to where the waiter behind the bar was dancing along to _ Eddie, My Love _ only to have the song switch to something new. Alyssa watched Emma’s face light up like she was a little kid before she felt herself yanked out of the seat and into Emma’s arms. The blonde holding her couldn’t tell but Alyssa’s blush was growing darker as they swayed along to the music. “_Take good care of my, baby. Please don’t ever make her blue,_” Emma sang as they spun around, dancing in front of their booth.

___________________

“I hope you have a good time with your mom,” Emma said softly as she led Alyssa up to her door. They stood for a moment, holding hands, before Emma leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Alyssa’s cheek. There was a moment of hesitation before the girl’s hazel eyes found hers again, almost fearful that she’d messed up by being a little more physically affectionate than she usually was. Alyssa however, found herself leaning forward as Emma leaned back, returning the kiss to Emma’s cheek. “Text me while you’re gone? You’re kind of like my best friend so I’m gonna miss you,” Emma requested, her pale cheeks turning a bright red as Alyssa came back.

“Of course Emma, I’ll text you the entire time I’m gone. Except for when I’m kicking my mom’s butt at games,” Alyssa chuckled, squeezing Emma’s hands one last time before 

“Alyssa, you’re getting home later than usual,” Shelby noted, not looking up from her book as the door to the house closed. Alyssa felt a flush of embarrassment wash over her as she thought about how this whole scenario resembled a movie. Her back leaned against the door, Alyssa shrugged slightly and let the night wash over her. The butterflies in her stomach seemed to fill her chest as her fingers brushed her cheek where Emma’s lips had been just a moment prior.

“I-yeah, we went out of town so the drive back took some time,” Alyssa explained, not really sure how convincing she was being. “I figured we’d just go to some restaurant here but she took me to one in Wabash that her grandma always took her to and-”

She was cut off by Shelby closing her book and looking at her, “Wabash is like, two hours away? She took you that far out for a dinner between friends?” There was a tone behind Shelby’s voice that said there was more questions she wanted to ask. She sat up on the couch and patted the spot where her head had just been for Alyssa to come sit, “Come sit. It seems really... romantic? Like, have you ever really sat down and thought about what Emma might be feeling? She’s always doting on you, and she took you to somewhere that she associates with her family. Do... Alyssa... Do you think that Emma might have feelings for you? Do you have feelings for her?” There was a searching look in Shelby’s gaze that made Alyssa’s stomach flip. 

She looked around the room, trying to avoid looking at Shelby, for fear of something coming out that she wasn’t sure she meant, or sure was true. “I don’t know if it’s romantic. Emma’s my friend, that’s all we are Shelbs,” Alyssa didn’t believe her own words. She knew that the way she interacted with everyone else and the way she interacted with Emma was completely different, but she knew that she wasn’t ready to have this conversation. 

“One of my favorite movies once said, _I think you know immediately. As soon as your eyes meet. And everything that happens from then on just proves you were right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize you were incomplete and now you’re whole._ I think you already know, Alyssa, I think you’re just scared,” Shelby left her with her thoughts after that, her words echoing through the halls and through her head.


	9. Nine

Emma didn’t know what to expect as she came down the stairs on Thanksgiving morning, but it wasn’t her grandmother reading to her housemates like they were children around a campfire. She certainly should have expected it, considering the amount of times they’d asked her if Betsy would still read to them, but she’d assumed that it would happen before bed, not in the early morning. Emma couldn’t help but let the small smile grace her lips, sneaking past to grab some breakfast before taking a seat beside Kevin and tucking her legs under herself. She leaned her head on him and let out a content sigh, taking a bite of the homemade cinnamon roll. As Betsy finished reading, she looked over to Emma with the most heartwarming smile that the blonde had ever seen from her grandmother. “Good morning Em,” Betsy said softly, glancing over to the clock, “even if it is nearly ten am.”

“Hey, it’s still morning,” Emma defended, running a hand through her messy hair and sitting up a little straighter, “Besides, the only reason anyone in this house is up before me is because they’ve been looking forward to ‘story time’ since I came back from the farm.” She knew she was right by the childish looks of embarrassment that fell on the face of everyone in the room. She adored her housemates, but they had asked nearly once a week since early August for her grandmother to make an appearance. Emma knew that most people with roommates would kill to have a family this close, but sometimes she wished that they loved Betsy just a little less, just so she could sleep in some holidays. 

“I think you could use some time on the farm to remind you what a morning looks like,” Betsy chided, standing from the chair she was seated in and setting the book to the side. Emma knew that she owed her grandmother a visit, the woman couldn’t possible be able to wrangle all of the animals on her own, but school had distracted her. She nodded and took another bite of her cinnamon roll before seeing the older woman motion for her to follow to the kitchen. She groaned slightly, knowing that this was going to be the first set of hands put to work on dinner. Being a Nolan, it came with the name. Of course, Emma loved cooking and baking so that wasn’t the issue, the issue happened to be that she wanted to finish her breakfast first.

“Gran,” Emma said as she followed behind, trying to speak in between bites, “I know that maybe it’s a little last minute, but you’d been expecting to meet Alyssa and she couldn’t make it uh...” The blonde paused as her grandmother turned around as they entered the kitchen, door shutting behind them. Emma swallowed thickly, “Kevin and Greg invited Carrie to dinner, and I was wondering in light of bringing Alyssa... if I could invite her roommates? Kaylee and Shelby?” She knew that her grandmother was one of the ‘the more the merrier’ type people, but she was very wary of what it might mean for her family and tentative friends to come together. She hadn’t spent as much time with the pair as Alyssa had, but from what she knew of them and had experienced she felt they would fit in. She knew that the boys could get along with pretty much anyone, but Betsy had a tendency to be ruthless if she didn’t like someone. She’d let Emma know plenty of times when she didn’t approve of girls Emma was talking to.

“Emma,” Betsy started, looking her granddaughter over, “Are these girls you’re _talking_ to? Or just girls that happen to be friends? I don’t want to have to deal with a ton of drama today.” 

Biting her lip, Emma fought a laugh that settled itself in her chest, “Grandma I promise I’m not talking to anyone that’s coming to dinner tonight like that. I-,” there was a hitch in her throat as she found herself saying the words out loud, “I love Alyssa, Grams. That’s not changing anytime soon I don’t think.” The knowing look on Betsy’s face made Emma slightly uneasy but the older woman moved past her to get things out of the fridge. “I know that they’re strong words to use but-”

Betsy held a hand up, not turning back to face Emma as she let out a soft laugh, “I get it. It’s how I felt with your Granddad, and how I feel with Angie. It’s not easy to explain, but it’s just how things are. Now, we have pies to make, go let your friends know dinner is at three, but they’re welcome to help cook if they’d like.” Emma grinned from ear to ear, running up to her room to grab her phone from where it sat by her nightstand. She sent a quick message to Alyssa as she wandered back down to the kitchen before opening a new message to Shelby.

Shelby 💖  
  
Hey! I’m sure Alyssa warned you already but this is a formal invite! You’re welcome to bring yourself and Kaylee of course, to the house for Thanksgiving!  
  
She actually didn’t, she was too busy talking about your dinner 👀  
  
Oh, uh well   
  
This is an invitation to dinner! You’re more than welcome and we have enough food for everyone!   
  
We wouldn’t miss it for the world Emma, mind if we come over now?   
  
Kaylee wants to help cook  
  
Sure! Come on over! I’m helping my gran but the more hands the merrier!   
  


Emma took a deep breath, glad that she’d have more people who knew how to cook to help them out. However, her invitation to Shelby and Kaylee reminded her about another set of hands that were supposed to show up at the house. As if sensing that Emma’s thoughts had been dragged to her, a message from Carrie came through on her phone. Emma debated pretending she hadn’t seen it, but knew that if she did Carrie would just an issue later on about it. The last thing she needed was Alyssa’s friends thinking that she was more than cordial with Carrie. She opened her phone and felt a groan fall from her lips at the forwardness. 

Carrie 💚  
  
Em! When’s dinner? I wanna be sure I have enough time to look good  
  
Trying to impress Nick? You don’t have to ‘look good’  
  
My gran says we’re eating around 4 so you have time  
  
No I’m not trying to impress Nick, he’s gross  
  
Don’t be rude, he’s just... got an ego  
  
Yeah, the size of Texas  
  
Please be nice? I’m inviting Kaylee and Shelby over since Alyssa isn’t there to cook for them. I don’t want any drama.   
  
I’ll be a saint.   
  


___________________

Shelby didn’t know what was happening, one minute she was helping Emma’s grandmother set the table for dinner, getting to know the woman that raised such a kindhearted individual, and then as if in slow motion, she watched Carrie Delghatto stroll through the door of the kitchen with a smirk on her face. She watched as the girl strutted up to Emma and draped an arm around her. It set something in the pit of Shelby’s stomach that she couldn’t describe, like she was about to throw up and throw down. If she hadn’t been meeting Emma’s family for the first time, she honestly might have. But making a good impression to people who were associated with her friends was important to her. “Hey Em, how about you and I sneak away to your room for a little while? Catch up, ya know?” She saw Carrie glance back to her before leaning further onto Emma. Shelby felt like she was holding her breath as she waited in anticipation for what Emma’s response would be. She would be disappointed if Emma really was playing with Alyssa’s feelings, but something deep in her core knew that the blonde wasn’t the type of person to do that.

Kaylee was stood behind Shelby, wrapping an arm around her and whispering in her ear, “Do you think they’re a thing? I thought Alyssa and Emma had something?” Her voice sounded so innocent but Shelby couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her spine as she felt Kaylee’s breath on her neck.

“I don’t think Emma likes Carrie like that. I mean, you’ve seen how she looks at ‘Lys,” Shelby whispered back, turning her head and pressing a quick kiss to Kaylee’s lips. When she turned back to look at where Emma had just been, the blonde was gone, Carrie alone in the space by the sink. Shelby pursed her lips, looking around the room but only finding Betsy and Kevin, working on carving the turkey. “Come on, lets go find Emma,” she whispered again, grabbing Kaylee’s hand and leading her through the dining room and up the staircase to where the bedrooms were. She had a feeling Emma had probably gone off to her room for one reason or another, but she didn’t know which room was hers.

Kaylee pulled her hand slightly, nodding her head toward the end of the hallway where a soft guitar was playing. “All of the boys are downstairs, that has to be her,” Kaylee whispered, furrowing her brow as the pair headed to the open door. Shelby felt like she was holding her breath, listening to the guitar and the voice as it floated down the hallway.

_“When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful. Every hour spent together, lives within my heart,”_ Shelby recognized the song, it was from the second _ Toy Story _ movie. She gave a soft, sad smile, leaning on the doorframe just barely out of view of Emma. She watched the blonde carefully, wondering what was going through her head. There was a sadness behind Emma’s words that just shook Shelby to her core. _ “And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears. And when she was happy so was I, when she,” _ Emma’s breath hitched for a moment, her emotions getting the best of her, _ “loved me...” _ her voice trailed off, but her head didn’t raise as a sob choked past her lips.

“Emma?” Shelby asked softly, trying to get the blonde’s attention as she set her guitar to the side, “Are you okay?”

Emma’s head shot up, breath hitching in her throat and she quickly wiped her tears. As a forced smile appeared on her face she nodded quickly, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Maybe,” Kaylee tried, moving into the room and motioning for Shelby to follow her, “Because you miss Alyssa? And that’s okay. It’s okay to miss your best friend.” Shelby knew that Kaylee was testing the waters with ‘best friend’ because that’s exactly what she had done with Shelby before they started dating. Emma looked at her, something on the tip of her tongue but Shelby couldn’t quite tell if she was ready to say what it was or not.

“I-” the blonde started, Shelby taking a seat on the bed beside her with a soft smile, “I think of Alyssa as more than just my best friend you guys.” Kaylee sat on her other side, resting her hand on Emma’s back to encourage her to keep talking. “Like,” Emma continued, looking from one girl to the other before returning her focus to her hands, “It’s hard to explain but, I love Alyssa. Not just like a friend love either. I’m in love with her.”

“We know,” Shelby said softly, reaching over and taking Emma’s hand gently, “We see the way that you look at her. She might not quite get it, but have you tried to tell her yet?” Watching Emma shake her head, Shelby gave a soft chuckle, “That’s your first mistake. You have to let Alyssa know how you feel or she’s not going to get it. She’s a little too thick in the head sometimes.”

“I just don’t want to ruin our friendship with my feelings. I’m not used to... having friends? Like I get I have the boys, but there’s a difference between being friends with them and being friends with Alyssa. It’s just like...”

“Like everything is simple? That you could tell her anything and do anything with her and it’ll all be okay? That you could spend the rest of your life with her?” Kaylee’s words were directed at Emma, but her eyes were on Shelby the entire time. The amount of love that she saw in her girlfriend’s eyes was heart-melting.

“Exactly, and I don’t want to ruin that,” Emma sighed, running the hand not in Shelby’s through her hair. She looked up at Shelby with a fear in her eyes that Shelby recognized because she’d seen it in her own.

“Emma,” she chuckled, pulling the girl into a standing position, “That’s love. That’s not something that’s in a regular old friendship. When you can see yourself spending your life with someone, that’s when you know you’re in too deep. It’s almost dinner time, so we have to go back down, but please try and talk to her? Even if you think it’ll ruin everything, I promise it won’t.”

Emma let the pair lead her back down to the table, Shelby praying that the rest of the day just went without a hitch. She didn’t want to have anything more happen. However, her hope seemed to be in vain, as after everyone had been seated and served, Carrie decided to open her mouth once more.

“Aw, Alyssa couldn’t make it? Does that mean you’ve finally gotten bored of her and we can pick up where we left off? Or?” Carrie’s voice was laced with a bitter jealousy that made Shelby’s skin crawl. There was something about this girl that she just couldn’t get behind. She looked from Carrie to Emma, who still had slightly bloodshot eyes but a fire behind them that if Shelby didn’t know any better, would be terrified of.

“Why can’t you just accept that I don’t want to date you Carrie? Why is that _so fucking hard_ for you to understand?” Emma shouted, startling Shelby, but she couldn’t help but sit up a little straighter, wanting to hear every single thing that Emma truly thought about Carrie. After their talk in the bedroom, Shelby could tell that Emma felt more confident than before, but she seemed ready to speak her mind despite the current company. “I’ve told you over text, I’ve told you in person. I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone anymore but I-I’m in love with Alyssa. And if you can’t accept that and leave the flirting at the door then please leave my home.” Emma pointed toward the door, taking in a deep breath and Shelby could see the blonde physically shaking. She looked between the pair before the elderly woman at the head of the table caught her eye. She opened her mouth to say something, either to jump to Emma’s defense or distract from the fight that seemed imminent. Emma shot her a look however that told her to wait, as if sensing what she was about to do.

“Carrie? I believe Emma has asked you to leave. Now if you’d like to take your plate with you, you can return it in the morning on the patio. Washed,” Betsy’s voice was calm and collected, seemingly chilling Shelby to the bone. The old woman had such authority over the dinner table that Shelby felt all her resolve to say something escape. She was contemplating leaving herself, that was just how commanding Betsy Nolan was. She gripped the edge of her chair, looking between Betsy and Carrie. Carrie seemed to think for a moment before looking around to see everyone giving her the same look that Shelby was, a mix of disappointment and fear on each and every face. She pursed her lips before glaring at Emma and storming out of the room, the door slamming behind her as she exited the home entirely. Shelby fell back into the chair, sighing heavily and turning her focus to Emma, who seemed to be finally piecing together what she’d just said out loud.

“Emma, we support you, you know that right?” Shelby said, reaching across the table and squeezing Emma’s hand, “I know it’s scary and I know that we’ve already talked about this but, we support you and we love you. If Carrie can’t support you then she shouldn’t be a part of your life.” She gave Emma’s hand another squeeze before she moved back and looked to Kaylee. She prayed that her girlfriend had the same amount of support she’d had in Emma’s room.

“Shelby’s right Emma, I promise that we support you no matter what and Carrie was getting more out of line every second she’d been here. How about,” Kaylee looked to Shelby and then to Kevin, “after we eat, we take your mind off of it with board games? I know Kevin’s been dying to play Clue and Shelbs and I just bought Exploding Kittens.” Shelby melted at the smile that Kaylee gave Emma, which seemed to be the thing that brought the mood back to normal for the group. Betsy sat back down, giving Shelby a motherly smile that she hadn’t experienced before.

Shelbs 🙄 💖  
  
How’s break going? You totally missed the chaos at dinner over here  
  
What do you mean? Break’s going fine, you know how my mom gets about holidays.  
  
It’s definitely not my place to air someone’s secret, but it’s definitely something that we need to talk about when you get back.   
  
I’m still over at Emma’s and watching Carrie do a dramatic storm out? Priceless.   
  
Storm out? What did Nick say now?   
  
It wasn’t Nick. It was Emma.   
  
I’ll tell you when you get back, I have to go kick ass at monopoly!   
  


___________________

“Why does cooking have to take so much work? Like, there has to be less steps to making food than this,” Alyssa grumbled, running a hand through her hair as she mixed the pancake batter a little more. It was six in the morning and while she was normally a morning person, something felt off about today. She felt Emma come up behind her, resting her hand on the brunette’s back. The other girl’s laugh echoed in Alyssa’s ear, her eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. This definitely made the knot in her stomach already ever present around Emma even tighter. It felt as if she was about to burst with emotion, but there wasn’t a way for her to convincingly place a name to the emotion without opening Pandora’s box. However she found herself leaning back into Emma’s touch, a soft smile settling onto her lips.

“There are definitely less steps that you could have taken,” Emma reached her free hand around to taste the batter before pointing toward the box of pancake mix that was sitting on the counter, unopened, “For example. You could have used the mix we bought last week. Did you make this from scratch?” Her smile seemed more charming than normal when Alyssa looked up at her. It made her breath hitch, heart hammering a little harder than before. She found her focus drawn to Emma’s lips, swallowing thickly as she ripped her gaze away and back up to Emma’s eyes. This seemed so natural, like it was meant to be like this, and that terrified Alyssa. 

She closed her eyes, and for a brief moment she thought she felt Emma’s lips on hers before she shot up in her bed, running her hand through her hair. Looking around at her surroundings, she was met with her bedroom back in Heaven. Thanksgiving break. She fell back onto her mattress, staring up at her ceiling and resting one hand on her forehead, “It’s fine. It was just a dream. It-It didn’t mean anything. It _could_ mean anything.” Alyssa knew that it wasn’t as complex as she was making it, but she knew that this wasn’t the time or place to dissect deeper meanings behind dreams. Looking to her phone for a moment, she saw it was only half past three in the morning. She also saw a message from Emma, wishing her a good night and a safe drive back up to Indianapolis in the morning. She smiled softly to herself, deciding to respond in the morning. Emma was a light sleeper, she’d wake up if Alyssa responded now. She set her phone on the nightstand, rolling over and closing her eyes, praying that sleep didn’t bring another dream like this one. Her heart couldn’t handle it.

___________________

“Alyssa, you can’t keep running from this sort of thing, everyone can see what’s going on but you,” Shelby’s voice was a mix of frustrated and sympathetic. Alyssa could tell that her friends were over her beating around the bush when it came to what her and Emma were. But how could she not, when all she knew was that she enjoyed Emma’s company? She wasn’t gay. There was no way that Alyssa could be gay, right? “You can’t compare Emma to Nick or Kevin, or any guy that goes here and say they’re the same thing either. Have you seen the way that she looks at you? The way she smiles as if you light up her whole world? Or the way that she seems to put your needs ahead of anyone’s, even her own? She had a reputation to be a player when you first met her, but I haven’t seen a single girl tear her gaze away from you.” Shelby’s words hit home, striking something in Alyssa that she wasn’t entirely certain she was ready for.

“If there’s a prize for... rotten judgement,” Alyssa sighed, but her words came out as a song, “I guess I’ve already won that.” She slapped a hand over her mouth, looking to her friends to see what their reactions were, but they were just listening to her as if nothing had changed. Faintly, Alyssa heard music in the background, “No woman is worth the aggravation. That’s ancient history.” This couldn’t be real, Alyssa knew that she wasn’t some protagonist in a musical, so where was this music coming from? Why was she singing? She stood from the couch, walking across the room and rubbing her face to try and snap out of whatever day dream she was having. “Been there, done that.” The words fell from her lips as if they were meant to, as if she couldn’t stop them. 

She didn’t turn to face her friends, praying that she’d wake up from this nightmare if she clenched her fists hard enough.

She didn’t.

“Who’d you think you’re kidding?” Shelby sang, laughing softly and she came up behind Alyssa. She rested her hand on the girl’s shoulder, Alyssa’s eyes going to the hand and then to Shelby. Alyssa was going insane, that’s what this was. She’d finally cracked, and she was losing it. Thanksgiving with her mom had been the thing to send her over the edge.

“She’s the Earth and Heaven to you,” Kaylee followed up, coming up on Alyssa’s other side and causing the brunette’s attention to snap to her. She had one more chance, if Kevin could just _ not _ sing, this would be over. For once, could her friends do something nice for her.

“Try to keep it hidden, honey we can see right through you,” Kevin’s voice came from behind her, getting closer with each word. This was ridiculous, this wasn’t happening. She had to be dreaming. She pinched the bridge of her nose, sucking in a deep breath as the trio continued to sing, “Girl you can’t conceal it, we know how you’re feeling... who you’re thinking of.” She found herself vocalizing in the background, the music around them getting louder. 

Clenching her fists, Alyssa pushed her way past her friends, turning and coming face to face with the picture of Emma and her she’d put in her bedroom. They looked so happy, it had been right after they’d gone to the pumpkin patch. She couldn’t help but smile fondly, heart threatening to leap out of her chest as she let her thoughts wander to Emma for a moment, “No chance. No way. I won’t say it no, no.” 

She picked up the picture, hearing her friends continuing in the background, their voices getting closer, “You swoon, you sigh, why deny it?” She ran her thumb over Emma’s face, fighting the smile that continued to be plastered on her face. She shook her head, tossing the picture onto her bed and turning to face them again, glaring at Kevin, who was just looking at her like a lost puppy, “It’s too cliche, I won’t say I’m in love.” Falling back onto the bed, narrowly missing the picture, Alyssa found herself staring up at her ceiling, wishing she was alone. She wanted to deal with her thoughts on her own, even though she was at least seventy-five percent sure this was a dream. It was too real feeling, and asking too many questions Alyssa wasn’t sure that she knew the answer to. The idea of loving Emma felt a little too real and she couldn’t handle what it would entail. She sighed, eyes staying glued on the ceiling as the music flowed her words began falling from her lips once more, “I thought my heart had learned it’s lesson,” Alyssa wanted this to end, she wanted her dreams to go back to being things that she couldn’t remember, or if this were reality, for her friends to stop, “It feels so good when you start out.”

She sat up, head in her hands as her frustration grew, “My head is screaming ‘get a grip, girl.’” Ripping her hands away from her face, she bunched up the sheets in her hands as the trio listening to her moved closer, trying to reason with her. Alyssa felt like she was going to be stuck in this never-ending loop of her feelings refusing to make themselves known. “Unless you’re dying to cry your heart out,” Tears formed in the corner of Alyssa’s eyes, whether out of emotion or frustration she wasn’t sure, but it felt like she was backed into a corner with no way of escaping. This was an omen or something, yelling at Alyssa to finally face her fear and face her feelings, but something was still stopping her. She couldn’t put her finger on what, and it was driving her crazy.

Kaylee was the first to sit on the bed, taking to Alyssa’s left side as she rested a hand on her shoulder, “Girl you can’t deny it. Who you are is how you’re feeling.” Her voice was oddly comforting to Alyssa, despite their differing opinions on the matter at hand. Alyssa would’ve been more than happy to listen to them, if she didn’t feel like she had entered the _ Twilight Zone_. Shelby sat behind her on the bed and Kevin to her right, his voice the next to fall on her ears, “Baby we’re not buying, hon we saw you hit the ceiling.” She knew that they’d seen the best and worst of her feelings around Emma. But if Alyssa couldn’t even process them, how could dream versions of her friends? “Face it like a grown-up, when you gonna own up that you got,” Shelby sang, Kaylee and Kevin joining her with each word, “got, got it bad.” Their hands rested on Alyssa’s back and shoulders, attempting to be comforting but it just made the brunette feel like she was going to explode. This had to be happening to her for a reason, right? 

She closed her eyes, taking in another deep breath, “No chance, no way. I won’t say it, no no.” Her voice felt less sure than the first time she’d sung those words. It felt as though her head was reaching a different conclusion than her heart was. Her mind wandered to Emma, a soft smile forming on her lips as she imagined the girl’s hazel eyes. She felt like she could get lost- she shook the thought off before letting it finish itself. She took the pang in her heart as confirmation of the answer changing, Shelby’s voice ringing out behind her as she reached around, poking Alyssa’s cheek, “Give up, give in. Check the grin you’re in love.”

That caused Alyssa to stand, moving away from the bed and turning to look at her friends with a pleading look on her face. She didn’t know whether she was pleading to wake up or to have a clear confirmed answer, but she needed something at this point. “This scene won’t play, I won’t say I’m in love!” She all but shouted the words, squeezing her eyes shut and clenching her fists. She didn’t want to feel this way, it was scary and confusing and not something she was ready to face. Besides, even if she did have feelings for Emma, there was no way that the blonde felt the same, right? 

Kevin’s voice was the next she heard, his puppy dog eyes looking into her soul as she fought the urge to cry. This was taking an emotional toll she hadn’t anticipated until her eyes connected with his. “We’ll do it until you admit you’re in love,” He sang, shrugging and smiling at her with a knowing look. Alyssa shook her head, not ready for them to crack through her walls. She felt like she had no choice but to open up, and it was terrifying. She didn’t know, in that moment, if it was the safest idea. 

Holding up her hands to him, signaling for him and the others to pause and let her explain. The mysterious source of the music carried on, but she saw her friends stop to listen to her for a moment, “You’re way off base I won’t say it.” She saw as Kaylee raised an eyebrow, looking over to Shelby who seemed to be stifling a laugh. “Get off my case! I won’t say it!” The frustration in Alyssa’s voice was evident, her irritation growing as the seconds passed by. She wished that the music would stop, that her friends would leave her room, that Emma were there. 

The smile that grew onto her face as Emma passed her thoughts was the most damning evidence of it all for Kaylee, who stood and moved toward Alyssa as she sang, “Girl don’t be proud, it’s okay, you’re in love.” The love and adoration in her voice let the tears that had been welling up in Alyssa’s eyes fall without her knowledge. She gave a soft, sad smile as she let Kaylee hug her, Shelby and Kevin joining after a moment. Alyssa found herself relaxing in the comforting hold of her friends, “At least, out loud, I won’t say I’m in... Love.” She let her eyes close, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

As her eyes fluttered open she once again found herself looking over to her phone to check the time. She saw a message from Emma, inviting her over to make a cake to celebrate that after the next two weeks of finals they’d finally be done with the semester. She grinned, shooting back a quick positive response, not even thinking twice about the red heart she added at the end. Even if she didn’t say it out loud, even if she didn’t entirely know, the universe would still know how she felt toward Emma Nolan.

Kaylee 💚 💅  
  
What do musical numbers in your dreams mean?  
  
Usually that you’ve watched too much Glee Lys. Why what’s up?  
  
You, Kev, and Shelbs were all muses and I was Megara  
  
Like, Hercules Kay...  
  
Lys, I think you know what a dream like that means. Like, a full blown song and dance and you can’t figure it out?  
  
I’ve got class now, but we can talk more about this when I get back to the house if you want?   
  
I can’t. I’m going to Emma’s to work on our assignment  
  
Just follow your heart Alyssa. You’ve got the path in front of you, let it lead the way.   
  
Since when are you William Shakespeare?  
  
I prefer Emily Dickinson actually  
  


___________________

“Why does cooking have to take so much work? Like, there has to be less steps to making food than this,” Alyssa grumbled, running a hand through her hair as she mixed the cake batter. She paused her stirring for a moment, déjà vu hitting her before she shook it off and turned her head to look at Emma as she walked closer. When Alyssa felt the hand on the small of her back she bit the inside of her cheek to be sure she was awake. Confirming for herself, she turned her head back and looked up at Emma. In a split second decision she grabbed an egg from the carton on the counter, smashing it over the top of her head. She was trying as hard as she could not have the same moment of panic as the last time. “Oh my god Emma I-” Alyssa started, only to find herself giggling at the yolk sliding down Emma’s cheek.

As Alyssa laughed, Emma furrowed her brow and reached forward, smashing an egg directly on Alyssa’s forehead. The blonde grinned from ear to ear, the shock covering the other girl’s face. “You got it in my eye!” Alyssa laughed, squeezing one eye shut and tossing some flour back at the blonde. Emma let it cover her face, her heart skipping a beat at Alyssa’s laugh. She grabbed another handful of flour and held it over her head, raising an eyebrow. Alyssa looked at her wide-eyed, her jaw slack at the silent threat, “Emma don’t you dare. I won’t forgive you!” Without an ounce of hesitation, the blonde let the flour rain down over Alyssa, earning a soft shove from her. She crossed her arms across her chest, pouting for a moment and glaring in Emma’s direction, although she couldn’t directly see Emma with the flour clouding her vision.

Emma smiled softly as she looked on at Alyssa, watching as the girl brushed flour from her hair and attempted to make herself a little more presentable. There was something about the simplicity of the moment that Emma found herself speaking without provocation, “Without warning, as a whirlwind swoops on an oak, Love shakes my heart.” To the blonde it sounded as if another voice entirely was saying it, but the look in Alyssa’s eyes as she met Emma’s told her she had in fact said them herself. The voice that felt not like her own continued on as they watched each other, “I love you. And not like a friend, Alyssa. I know that... I know that it’s not ideal, but I know that it’s how I feel and I don’t want to keep it from you. I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I don’t want it to change anything about our friendship. I just wanted you to know.” 

Emma didn’t know what was happening, one minute they were throwing flour and the next she was spilling her guts and now Alyssa was kissing her. Or was she kissing Alyssa? She couldn’t remember who had initiated it but, it threw the blonde for a loop and made her heart go a mile a minute. She knew that this was a mistake. This shouldn’t be happening. Alyssa was just her friend. Mistake or not, she found her hands wrapping around Alyssa’s waist for just a brief moment, pulling the brunette closer to her, wishing that this would last forever. It felt like a dream, and dreams didn’t last, reluctantly she pulled away and set her hands on the counter, not being able to look at Alyssa out of fear of kissing her again. “Emma I-” Alyssa mumbled, bringing her fingers up to brush her lips. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” Emma whispered, keeping her focus on her hands as tears threatened to overflow. She knew in her heart that this had just messed up her friendship with Alyssa, and if she didn’t put it all back inside of her then she would make things worse. She’d say how she felt and then Alyssa would definitely not talk to her anymore. “I understand if you want to leave. I-I’m really sorry.” She chanced a glance at Alyssa before feeling her heart lurch into her throat at the soft, sad smile on the girl’s face. She knew in her heart that she hadn’t been the one to make the first move, but she knew that she let it go on longer than it should have. All Emma wanted was to give Alyssa her love, in whatever way the girl wanted it. If that happened to be friendship, who was Emma to say no? She already was her best friend, and Emma couldn’t picture anyone else filling Alyssa’s spot.

Something was changing between them, something Emma hadn’t counted on. The conflicting feelings that flashed through Alyssa’s face as she processed the kiss. There was something about the way that Alyssa looked at her that broke Emma’s heart more with each second of silence that passed between them. “It’s okay Emma, I just...” She paused, rubbing the back of her neck for a brief moment before she found the words she was looking for, “I think I’m going to go finish my sonnet for class. I’ll come by tonight for our usual pie night?” All Emma could do was nod before feeling Alyssa reach out and squeeze her hand. She watched the brunette’s figure retreat, heart breaking little by little with each step. 

There wasn’t anyway she’d be able to fix this if Alyssa didn’t come back.

Time rolled on, Emma unmoving from the spot at the counter where she’d been when Alyssa left, and yet the brunette didn’t reappear in front of her.

“Emma?” a voice called, the blonde snapping from her trance. Her head turned and she looked to find the source, heart shattering all over again as she saw Carrie standing in the doorway, an apologetic look on her face. She opened her mouth to speak but before Carrie could say another word Emma fell back against the counter, a choked sob leaving her body. Without a second thought, Carrie crossed the room, wrapping her arms around the blonde and whispering softly, “It’s okay... You’re okay Emma. Just let it out, I’ve got you.”


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Drift for your help with the sonnets in this and the next chapter <3

“Emma! Would you please come and present your sonnet for us! Explain why you wrote it, if you had someone or something specific in mind and then just dive right in! Remember, it’s all about the breath control and knowing where your breaks are!” Professor Oliver’s voice echoed in Emma’s head as she stared down at her paper, heart in her throat and beating loud enough she was sure that Carrie could hear it next to her. Without looking up, she stood and made her way to the front of the class, her usual charm and ease nowhere to be found as she thought about everything that had gone down in the past two weeks, the past few months felt like a lifetime ago. When she rested her arm and her paper on the podium she allowed her eyes to meet those of her classmates. Her eyes met Carrie’s for the briefest of moments before darting to find Alyssa, head down, staring at her own paper. She was avoiding looking at Emma until the blonde began speaking, “I, uh, I struggled to write my sonnet for a while. I tossed around a few ideas and had a few actually written but none of them felt _ right _ you know? So when I had this one come to mind, it just felt right. I don’t want to go into details or soliloquize, but if you love someone tell them. Maybe it won’t work in your favor, maybe it will. But you won’t know until you try.”

Taking a deep breath, she turned her head to the Professor and receiving the nod of approval to start. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, steadying herself before the words began flowing from the page, “Though thought I none a guarded heart could ease, know now what autumn touch I bow before.” Emma knew from the beginning of her college career that finding love was going to be hard. Her grandmother had warned her and it had proven true up until she met Alyssa. She knew that through it all, Alyssa had her best interests at heart and she wouldn’t do anything to intentionally break her heart. So why did it feel like that’s exactly what had happened? Why did she feel as though she was a broken version of herself, her happiness dissipating with every moment that passed. 

“As flowers fast obey what sweetened breeze, so softly knocks upon closéd door,” Her eyes met Alyssa’s and it felt as if her heart stopped. There was no saving her at this point, the cat was effectively out of the bag. “An empty vow that never would I fall, is broke by longing seeping in my core,” Her voice almost cracked as she finished the line, longing aching in her bones as if nothing mattered except Alyssa Greene and the way she wouldn’t meet Emma’s eyes anymore. The brunette had looked away as she spoke, her sonnet seeming to fall on deaf ears. Emma couldn’t help but wonder, chuckling sadly as she continued, “A precious laugh is taunt enough to call, my soul to reach beyond a closéd door,” if this was what her life was going to come to now, was she just going to be left in the dust as Alyssa continued to pull away? Was she going to let it happen and not fight for anything between them? 

_ Why did she find herself breaking at the thought of losing Alyssa so badly?_ She knew that if the girl wanted to go somewhere else, she’d let her. But that didn’t mean the ache wasn’t still there. It didn’t mean that she didn’t love Alyssa with every fiber of her. It just means she realized when she had to let Alyssa go if that’s what she wanted. “Might ice begin to crystallize my mind and hold in time the voice I can’t ignore,” as Emma spoke, fresh tears welled themselves up in her eyes, beginning to trace patterns down her cheeks. “Enlightened, see what guilt may yet define, What shadows creep under a closéd door,” She was reaching the end of her sonnet, something that takes only mere minutes in reality, and it felt like she’d been stood stuck in the space behind the podium for millennia. “So speak, my love, a chance that I am more, or shatter I behind the closéd door.” The last words seemed to echo through the classroom. She took her seat, her shaking body not wanting to be up there a moment longer. As Emma burrowed her head into her backpack she felt a hand rest on her back, trying to comfort her. Peeking up she was expecting to see Carrie, but instead she found Shelby looking at her with a sad, yet understanding look on her face. She smiled weakly back and just laid her head back down.


End file.
